


Maybe

by littlemisscurious



Series: Tom, Louise and Maggie [7]
Category: British Actor RPF, Real Person Fiction, Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: Developing Relationship, Disappointment, F/M, Multi Chapter, Trust, part of a series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-18
Updated: 2013-04-15
Packaged: 2017-12-05 18:02:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 25,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/726213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlemisscurious/pseuds/littlemisscurious
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[Tom Hiddleston/OFC] Did their love still have a chance? Was it still worth fighting for or would it be better to just walk away from it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The beginning of the end?

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Tom Hiddleston, neither have I met him before or know what he is really like. The band ‘The Chase’, its members, music, history etc. derive entirely from my imagination and any resemblance to living persons is purely incidental. I have tried to stick to real events and places (when necessary) as much as possible but sometimes minor details will be changed in order for the story and its progress to be plausible. Any kind of feedback, questions or criticism are highly appreciated and welcome. Other than that I hope you enjoy reading it and tell others about it. :)

1\. The beginning of the end?

Sighing he closed his eyes and leaned his dark curls against the headrest of his kingsize bed which felt way too big for him alone all of a sudden. His thoughts wandered to the fight and he could not even remember what had started it in the first place. It was probably something silly, something irrelevant, merely an excuse for both of them to have a go at each other - again. But this time there was no reconciliation, no passionate love-making after which they lay in each others arms, professing how much they loved the respective other. This time she had grabbed her bags and left their flat with a loud bang of the front door.  
By now she would already be in the tourbus along with her fellow bandmates driving to Birmingham, where they would be playing a show the next night. He opened his eyes again and looked at his unpacked bags by the bedroom door. He just got back from the Avengers shoot in the US and a couple of promotional appointments concerning The Deep Blue Sea, and was looking forward to a few quiet days with his fiancée. He had simply forgotten she would leave so soon.

_13 years earlier_

_It was the afternoon of the 18th December 1998, and there were only a couple of hours left until the start of Henry’s birthday party, as he, as the first band member of The Chase, had turned 18 a few days ago. His mum was out getting the final bits and pieces for the party later that night while Henry opened the door for his friend and classmate. “Hey, thanks for coming round,” he smiled and stepped aside to let Tom enter the house. “Thanks for inviting me,” the blond youth replied smiling and entered into the foyer of the house, which could easily be called a mansion and, besides the black and white tiled floor in the entrance area, featured a wide, carpeted staircase leading to the top floor of the building. Somewhere from the depths of the house the melodic sound of a piano could be heard and Tom looked at his friend quizzically. “Oh, that’s Louise,” Henry answered smiling before adding “She came round a little earlier to go through some songs.” Tom nodded with an understanding look on his face. He was of course aware of Henry’s band and of the fact that they had released their debut album earlier this year. “Lights” went to number 1 instantly and led to their faces and their music be everywhere even though at least the posters did not make their way into Eton yet, much to the dismay of Tom’s and Henry’s classmates. “Why don’t you make yourself at home while I shower really quick?! I wanted to do that earlier already but I’m afraid we got lost in our music a little.” The guitarist smiled a little embarrassed while his fellow Etonian merely laughed. “As usual,” he stated before adding. “Bugger off then...I know my way around here anyway.”_  
 _Even though they were at Eton the majority of the year, Tom had been at Henry’s place quite a few times before, spending part of his holidays at his friend’s place, who, as an only child, had been more than glad of the company in the past. Quite some time had passed, though, since the young man had been at the Maynard’s family home last as his best friend had been busy the last two months touring around Britain with his band; as much as school had allowed him a leave from classes at least. So far Tom had not been able to go to one of their most recent gigs but he was hoping to see them play live in the spring of next year._  
 _For now, he slowly made his way through the house suspecting the music came from the cozy conservatory, the smaller of two, at the side of the house, which Henry had converted into his own little musical abode. He did not intend to spy on the young woman but saying hello surely would not hurt._  
 _He stopped leaning onto the whitewashed doorframe and watched Louise whose long, slender fingers moved gently across the piano keys. Her eyes were closed and her long, dark, auburn curls hung loosely across her shoulders. She looked so peaceful, so lost in the music, that he felt like an intruder, as if he was spying on her in a moment of privacy. He was enthralled by her, by the music, by the perfection of the moment. He was not sure how long she had known that he was standing there watching her play but when she opened her hazel eyes and looked over to him by the door she just smiled in the most innocent and charming way he had ever seen. His cheeks turned slightly pink out of embarrassment and he shoved his hands into the pockets of his trousers. “Sorry Louise, I....I didn’t want to spy on you or anything,” he mumbled quietly and his eyes, that appeared an intense blue due to the bright winter sun shining into the conservatory, looked at her apologetically. “Oh, don’t worry,” she smiled reassuringly and smoothed the folds of her cream coloured dress over her knees. “How are you? I haven’t seen you for quite some time.” He relaxed a little even though he was still a little nervous around her as any 17-year-old would be around the girl he fancied. “I’m good, thanks. Glad to be home for the Christmas break. How are you? How was your tour?” She got up from the dark wooden and cushioned piano stool and carefully closed the piano lid that protected the ivory keys. “I am really good, thank you. The tour was fantastic even though I still can’t believe all of this is really happening.” She smiled a little shyly and little dimples appeared on either of her cheeks which Tom found utterly adorable. “It’s a shame you weren’t able to come. Henry said you weren’t allowed a day away from school?!” She had moved a little closer and due to being only 5”9 compared to his 6”1 frame she had to look up to meet his eyes. He was mesmerised by them for a moment, by the sparkle that could be seen. And did he see a hint of disappointment? “Well yes,...I really wanted to but obviously going to my best friend’s concert wasn’t as significant a reason as to let me go for a day. I really hope I can come and see you play another time, though. Henry has told me a lot already.” He smiled sheepishly and bit his bottom lip merely out of insecurity. He was rather self-confident normally and knew how to behave around boys as well as girls but Louise had been his secret crush ever since Henry had introduced them two years earlier which always left him slightly insecure and self-conscious in her presence. ___

“Lou? Do you want to watch a film with us?” Louise was lying in her tiny bunk bed on the top floor of the tourbus reading while her bandmates Henry, Paul and George, the last two being her brothers as well, had obviously decided to use the two hour drive to their next venue to watch a film downstairs. Sighing she looked at her book; she was not able to focus on it anyway. “Sure, coming!,” she replied and crawled out of the tiny space she would call her home for the next few weeks to come. As much as she loved being on tour, she felt she was getting too old for this kind of sleeping accommodation. Dressed in her favourite and way-too-big pyjama trousers, which used to be Tom’s, and her Beatles sweater she shuffled downstairs and sat next to Paul on one of the cushioned benches. He smiled at her and put an arm around her shoulders so she could lean onto him. Being only 7 minutes older than her, compared to George’s 20 minutes and Matthew’s, their number four, 29 minutes, he was closest to her in other things as well. He was the first she turned to when she needed someone to talk to or someone’s advice. And by the look on his face when she had arrived at the tour bus earlier, she suspected he knew what was going on. He pressed a gentle kiss on her hair while Henry pushed the play button of the DVD-Player. She did not really pay attention to the film, though, but the boys either did not care or did not realise. She excused herself halfway in and got up, giving Paul, who had looked up at her with a worried expression, a reassuring smile. She did not want to trouble him and merely needed a little time to organise her thoughts. It would not help anybody travelling along if she was not really there. She needed to focus, focus on the band, the tour, the fans, herself.  
After hesitating shortly, she went back upstairs to her bed, lay down and closed the curtains, the little piece of fabric that allowed her at least some privacy in this vehicle while being with 14 other men. She picked up her phone and typed in a message. "Where does that leave us now?" Her finger hovered over the sent-button for quite some time before she found the courage to press it. She could hear her heartbeat in her ears turning into a slight throbbing in her head, clearly the result of too little sleep, too much arguing and too much crying.


	2. Stepping closer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer from chapter 1 still applicable here...

2\. Stepping closer

He hesitated as his phone vibrated thinking it might be Luke who wanted to discuss any upcoming dates, which was probably the last thing he was in the mood for now. Nevertheless, he decided he could at least check what he wanted. But when the name “Lou” popped up on the screen all thoughts of Luke were forgotten. He opened the text message and had to swallow as she was asking the same question he had been asking himself for the last hours. "I don't know..." he answered before adding a "Can I call you or are you busy?" Instead of answering to that she called him herself and he quickly picked up. “Hey,” he mumbled almost nervously. This was his fiancée, for God’s sake, was he not even able to talk to her normally? “Hey,” she replied just as quiet and hesitant before silence settled in. But unlike in the past this was not the kind of ‘I just need to know you are there’ silence. It was uncomfortable and unsettling as both did not want to say the wrong thing. Only one false word could give them the final push which would see them tumbling down the edge they were standing at and none of them was willing to take that risk. Tom sighed before deciding to speak. “Are you in Birmingham yet?” He fumbled with the pillow on his lap while holding onto the phone with his other hand. “No,...no we’re not but I suppose we’ll get there soon,” Louise replied and looked at the photos which were pinned to the ‘ceiling’ of her bunk bed. Some of them showed her older brothers Chris and Max, some showed her parents, taken years before her mother’s death in 2005, others showed herself and Tom over the years. “Louise,...” Tom paused before continuing. “Can I come and see you?” He hated trying to solve arguments over the phone and even though he knew she would be busy the next day with interviews, soundcheck and fan meetings he wanted to talk to her in person about what had happened,...about what was about to happen. Before she could answer, though, he added “I know you’ll be busy tomorrow and I won’t be in your way, I...I just think we should see each other.” He had been busy the last months and he knew he had missed a couple of things that were important to her. He had missed her 30th birthday because of the World Premiere of Thor, he had missed their album release because of the Avengers shoot and he had missed the first concert of their current tour because of promotional duties for The Deep Blue Sea. She normally was not a person who would be bothered by his job, knowing herself what being in the show business meant and what it was like but all of this just added to the issues they already had. Last but not least his meteoric rise to fame and the inevitably higher demand in the last months was the reason they had to postpone their wedding - again. His thoughts were interrupted by Louise’s reply. “Sure...if you really want to,” she replied quietly and closed her eyes to hold back the tears that were forming in her eyes. Sometimes she felt as if she did not know the man on the other end of the line anymore. Not that she was not happy for him or begrudged him for his fame, quite on the contrary. But he had changed. He kept forgetting dates and event invitations she had told him about weeks ago, or he would cancel a rendezvous just hours before they were supposed to go out because he had gotten an invitation to some premiere or theatre play. She missed the man she had fallen in love with, the one who had proposed to her almost two years ago, the one she had intended to marry. “Of course I do, Lou,” he replied in a whisper and it broke his heart when he heard her quiet sobbing as she tried to suppress the tears. “I’ll leave straightaway. Just send me a message with the venue details, would you?,” he added while already getting up and walking to his closet to grab some clothes he would take along. “Sure. See you in a bit,” she mumbled and hung up before burying her face in her hands. She was scared. Scared that this might be a goodbye-visit, just another possibility for them to argue. 

She stayed in her bed just until their manager Olly shouted through the bus that they would be there soon. Slowly she got up, picked some proper clothes from her suitcase and got changed quickly. It would not help anyone if members of the press and fans caught her with puffy, red eyes and horrible clothes just at the beginning of their tour. She was too much of a professional for that. After the release of their debut album 13 years ago, ‘The Chase’ rocketed to fame pretty much over night and did not have a quiet time ever since. Even when they were not on tour but back in the studio writing songs or recording there were photographers waiting for them alongside with fans requesting photographs, autographs, and a hug. Not that she complained about being successful with their music but she would not mind having a bit of privacy every now and then either.

As they would spend the night in a hotel close to the venue, she grabbed her suitcase and purse and went downstairs, where the boys just finished the film they had started earlier. “You okay, Lou?”, George asked quietly as he got up and gently stroked her arm. “Sure,” she mumbled half-hearted and tried to smile, which she failed at miserably. “Things will work out...they always have, you know that.” Her brother looked at her encouragingly, before going upstairs to grab his things, just like Paul and Henry, while the singer went to the front of the bus, that had just arrived at its destination. Checking her reflection in the bus’s rear-vision mirror again she left the vehicle with her bags and smiled and waved at the waiting fans. It was already 9pm but obviously this was no reason for some of their most devoted followers to not still be out here waiting for the four of them to arrive in Birmingham. She gladly signed their CDs and posters, posed for photographs and enjoyed a bit of small talk with some of them before Olly excused them and lead Louise and her bandmates towards the hotel they would be staying at. After settling in her room and sending Tom the details about the hotel she met with the others to have a quick rundown concerning the following days and appointments. She looked at the schedule that Marc, their tour manager, had handed out while he added a couple of details concerning some of the interviews they would have in the morning. Additionally to the local Radio and TV reporters that got invited to watch them for two songs during soundcheck, at each venue respectively, to get a bit of material for their shows, two of the admins of the UK Fanclub of The Chase would be coming round the next day as well and they would also be allowed to stay for a few songs during soundcheck. Lou recognized the names due to having been in regular contact with both of them for the past couple of years already. It was incredible how much of their free time some of their fans invested into things like fan pages, the organisation of fan meetings or the writing of stories about the individual band members. Although Louise had learnt in the past that the internet was full of horrible and hurtful things she knew there were also quite a lot of gems hidden among nasty comments or photo edits and she made sure to spend a proper amount of time appreciating them whenever possible. “Alright guys...make sure you go to bed early enough to get a good night’s sleep. The next couple of days are going to be rather stressful,” Marc concluded and everybody around him got up to leave the room. “Lou, could I have a word?” Olly looked at her and his expression told her that this was more of a command rather than a question and she knew him too well to deny him what he asked for. After everyone had left the room except for the two of them he sat down on top of the conference table. “The guys are worried about you. Is there anything you’d like to talk about, anything at all, before you go out there again tomorrow?” Having been their manager ever since they started in 1994 helping them to sign their record deal two years later, Olly knew when something was wrong with either of the four. He trusted them as much as they trusted him and despite him being quite a few years older than the musicians, their relationship was one of mutual respect and familial love. Louise sighed and shoved her hands in the back pockets of her black skinny jeans. “I guess things aren’t as rosy as I’d want them to be but I’m okay. Actually, Tom is coming round in a little while after our...well, our not so nice goodbyes earlier today.” She looked at her interlocutor in an almost apologetic way even though she was theoretically old enough to receive guests whenever she wanted to. Being on tour was a different matter though. Schedules were not made for fun and as much as the rest of the crew had to do their job properly when it came to setting up the stage, lights and sound, the four of them had to do their job as well. Being on time, being awake and ideally in a good mood was essential and having overnight guests could be a threat to any of these requirements. “Just make sure you’re okay tomorrow, yes?!” He looked at her pleadingly before giving her a quick hug. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Lou. Make the best of your time with Tom and sleep well later.” He pressed a kiss on her curly hair before leaving the room to join the guys in the little restaurant on the ground floor of the hotel for a quick bite for dinner.


	3. As it used to be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer from chapter 1 still applies...

3\. As it used to be

Meanwhile Tom had just passed Oxford and quickly sent his mum a text saying "Thinking of you" before he turned the radio up a bit and hummed along to whatever song was playing. He tried to distract himself from the dark thoughts that would crawl through his mind and result in him envisioning the various worst-case-scenarios that could take place in the Birmingham hotel in about an hour. Instead of thinking about the massive fight they did have earlier, he thought back to those all too distant happy days where life seemed way easier than nowadays.

_Lovingly Tom looked at his girlfriend of 3 years now while she fumbled nervously with the hem of her shirt. They were nominated five times that night and even though they had missed out on Best British Single and Best British Group while picking up the Mastercard British Album award for their fourth album “Coming Home”, there was still hope they would also bag the BRIT Award for Best British Rock Act and Best British Live Act. The latter one was up for grabs now and the nominees had just been introduced on the huge screens inside the venue for everyone to see. Carefully he took her hand in his and gently caressed the slightly sweaty palm. She still seemed as nervous as at the first BRIT Awards they had attended 6 years ago and all the excitement about the band was still overwhelming and utterly unbelievable for all four of them. “And this years’ BRIT Award for the Best British Live Act goes to...The Chase!” Surprised she looked first at Henry next to her, before she turned to Tom and hugged him while in obvious and utter disbelief. “Oh god,” she mumbled against his neck and he laughed quietly. “Well done, darling. I’m proud of you,” he whispered in her ear and gave her an affectionate kiss on the cheek before she stood up to make her way to the stage closely followed by Henry, George and Paul who seemed just as surprised. Competition in this category had been tough and besides being hugely successful with their most recent album they had not dared to believe in winning this price. Proudly Tom watched Louise’s every move as she walked up the stairs to the stage and accepted the silver award alongside her fellow bandmates. “Wow, thank you so much!” She smiled broadly at the audience before looking at the award again. “You know, when I walked into my brothers’ room at the age of 13 and said ‘Guys, let’s start a band!’ I had no idea that ten years later I’d be standing here accepting this wonderful award.” She scanned the auditorium before continuing her speech. “On behalf of the four of us, I’d like to thank our amazing crew who work so very hard every day of the tour making sure that the stage is perfect and the light and the sound in order not only for us to have a fantastic night but the audience as well. We’ve pretty much just returned from travelling the world in the last couple of weeks and we had an amazing time. Thank you to everyone who was a part of that and who made every single night so very special. Thank you to our parents who are so supportive and always told us to follow our dreams. We really hope we make you proud. I personally would like to thank the man who makes not only this night special for me, but every single day of my life. Thank you so much, Tom, for being a part of my life, for being by my side whenever I need you, for loving me so unconditionally. I love you and given that it’s your birthday today, I hope the venue and guests I picked are to your taste.” Well-meant laughter was rippling through the rows of A-List guests and fans and some seated in his vicinity looked at him smiling while the 24-year-old blushed a little. He hoped that one day he could repay her for every single confession of love she’d addressed to him from a stage in the last couple of months._

"You have reached your destination!" The voice of his satnav interrupted his thoughts and he hadn’t even realised that the remaining hour from Oxford to Birmingham had passed so quickly. He parked his car next to the dark grey tour bus and got out, grabbing his overnight bag from the passenger seat at the same time. It was still relatively warm for this time of the night so he did not even bother closing his cardigan as he made his way to the hotel entrance. He thought about asking for a room but decided against it as he was still hoping they would make it up tonight and there would be no need to get an additional hotel room. He checked Louise’s room number that she had sent him via text earlier before stepping into the elevator. He was nervous. Maybe he should have brought flowers?! Well, too late for that now anyway, he concluded as a little ping announced his arrival at the requested floor. He quickly ruffled through his hair and walked along the seemingly endless corridor until he had reached room number 64. He hesitated before his knuckles carefully met with the wooden door signalling the inhabitant that somebody was asking to gain admission. He heard quiet shuffling inside the room before the door was opened and he looked straight into the hazel eyes that had weakened his knees ever since he saw them for the first time. “Sorry it took me so long but the traffic out of London was dreadful,” he mumbled with an apologetic smile and looked at his fiancée. Her long, curly auburn hair was loosely tied in a messy bun at the back of her head and she was wearing the pyjama trousers that had vanished out of his closet a couple of months ago only to reappear on her shortly after. “Don’t worry, I thought as much,” she replied with a tentative smile and stepped aside so he could enter the room.

For a second she could inhale the scent of his eau de toilette as he walked past her into the comfortable but not overly stylish hotel room that featured an enormous bed right next to the panorama window. Quietly she closed the door and looked at him. He looked tired but good and she loved that he had obviously refrained from shaving earlier that day. Not sure how to greet her he first dropped his leather bag before looking back at her still unsure as how to proceed. In the end it was her who made the decision for him by stepping towards him and placing a careful kiss onto his lips. Intuitively his hands found their way to her waist and he held her close while responding to the kiss. “I’ve missed you,” he whispered a little later, his lips still extremely close to hers. Her attentive eyes looked up into his. “I’ve missed you, too...I still do,” she replied just as quietly but at the same time pointing out what had been at the core of their fight earlier that day. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply before carefully letting go of her. He looked at her with his soft blue eyes not knowing what to say or where to start. So many things had gone wrong in the last couple of months that he just was not sure which loose thread to pick up first afraid that he might just unravel more, cause more tears and distance. “I’m...I’m sorry, Lou. I truly am,” he whispered and let his slender fingers glide through his dark curls. His fiancée looked at him with sad eyes. “I know you are, Tom, but...don’t get me wrong. I am so proud of you and so happy for everything you have achieved and all those opportunities you get. You are an incredibly good actor and an incredibly wonderful person and nobody deserves it more than you to finally get the acknowledgement that is appropriate. It’s just...you have changed, you know.” She hesitated for a moment looking up at him, at his incredibly sad eyes. “I know what it’s like. I know what it’s like to be in high demand, what it’s like to feel as if one has to be everywhere at once. I know how easy it is to lose track of everything and everybody else that’s not connected to the job but I have learned to handle it. I have learned to work that extra bit harder to make sure that despite all the flashlights and all the applause I don’t forget those who love me and have done so even before all those fans and photographers and journalists did.” Another pause during which an oppressive silence filled the room. She could hear his breathing and even imagined she could hear his heartbeat which was once so in unison with her own. “I don’t want to call your mother every time I want to know how you are or when you will be back, Tom,” Louise whispered, tears in her eyes. “I want to be among the first people you think of when you wake up, among the last ones you think of when you go to bed. I don’t want this ring to turn into a reminder of what we once had, what we could have had if things hadn’t turned so utterly wrong.” She couldn’t hold back the tears anymore now. Burning tears ran down her rosy cheeks, clouded her vision until she had to bow her head and wipe them away with the end of her sleeve. Out of the corner of her eyes she could see his hands moving upwards to his face and she lifted her eyes again. There he was, this tall, athletic man looking as defeated as never before. When he moved his hands away from his face and ran them through his hair she saw that his cheeks were wet as well, his eyes slightly red and his bottom lip trembled just enough for her to realize how much all of this hurt him as well. He was not one for crying normally. But this was different. This was not one of his roles, not one of his characters where he could hide his own emotions behind some big lines that would send his counterpart into either utter despair or endless ecstasy. This was his reality, their reality. And they had to face it somehow either together or separately.


	4. Surprises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer from chapter 1 still applies...

4\. Surprises

_“I’m sorry, Tom. You know how much I would love to come but I just can’t.” She sighed apologetically while looking out of the hotel room window. She was in Madrid at the moment, which Tom did not know, and wanted to surprise him tonight as it was the last time for him on stage as Alsemero in “The Changeling”. “I know Lou,” he mumbled and let his fingers glide through his ginger curls. They had seen each other only two weeks ago at the first anniversary of her mother’s death but he missed her already and had so hoped to be able to welcome her that night. He knew she needed distraction more than anything right now. Distraction from the pain and sadness that came with the memories of her beloved mother and he wanted to be by her side, let her know that he was there for her no matter what. “Send me photos of tonight, will you? Or maybe a short video. I would love to see you perform.” She smiled a little even though she felt bad for lying to him. But it was for a good cause, she did not want to spoil the surprise after all. She had talked to the director of the play who had organised her a seat not too far away from stage which she was utterly grateful for. “Of course I will,” he answered smiling himself. “And if that’s not enough I can re-enact the entire play for you when I come home.” He laughed quietly at that and was glad when he could hear her chuckle at the other end of the line as well._

_She had not laughed a lot in the past 12 months. The death of her mother on this grey summer morning last July had been horrible and shocking and entirely unexpected. She had taken the tube to visit some friends while staying with her children in the capital. Lou had wanted to call her a cab but her mother refused saying that she could very well use the tube like everybody else. Nobody knew she would never emerge from that tunnel alive anymore. Nobody knew about these bombs except for those who planted them. Nobody knew this would be the last time Louise Norfolk saw her mother alive and happy and breathing. It still broke his heart when he thought of George’s voice who had called him to tell him the news. Louise was in shock when he reached their house half an hour later and he had called a doctor instantly. She was pale and lifeless, silent tears running down her cheeks. Almost a week had passed until she had uttered a word again. He was genuinely worried she would attempt to hurt herself in those weeks that followed and he never felt as helpless as back then. Her brothers George, Paul, Matthew, Max and Chris tried to help her with the pain just like Henry did but they themselves were mourning the loss of their mother while their father hid in his house and refused to speak to anyone. Louise and Tom would spend hours just sitting quietly side by side or he would take her to a park in order for her to at least get some fresh air. Surprisingly the press was sympathetic enough to not follow them everywhere they went as this was not an ordinary death but a catastrophe that shocked the entire nation and therefore required a good portion of tact._

_“As long as you don’t expect me to take the place of all the other actors that would be fine with me,” she replied before adding “I’ll call you again later, okay? I’ve got to go now. Love you.” She shoved the phone into her pockets afterwards before making her way out of the door to leave the hotel. The cast would rehearse one last time now which allowed Louise to wander around the city for a little while. She strolled through some of the souvenir shops and past some of the attractions that made Madrid one of the most beautiful cities of Europe. She had been here before with the boys during their last tour but they did not have nearly as much time to wander around the city as they wanted. Louise checked her watch only to discover that she still had more than an hour until Tom would be finished with the dress rehearsal so she got herself a coffee and sat down in the sun on the steps of the monument to King Alfonso XII at the Parque del Retiro with a copy of James Patterson’s “Suzanne’s Diary for Nicholas”. It was a beautiful but sad story and she had read it numerous times before but never grew tired of reading it again. Besides, she loved the idea of writing a diary for a baby so it would be able to read about it’s parents’ love later on in life. She had started to write last year. Not as much for herself but for her mum. She wanted to let her know what was going on in her life, wanted to share her thoughts and dreams and worries with her just as she had done all those years before when they were still able to meet for a coffee or spend hours strolling around Covent Garden and Camden Town and Spitalfields trying on things they never intended to buy anyway. She missed those days. She missed her laughter, her smile, her eyes, the smell of her perfume. She missed everything about her and even though her brothers and Henry and Tom did their best to make her laugh again, live again, she could not help but feel guilty for every single day she spent in this world alive and breathing. She felt guilty for letting her mother go that morning, for not forcing her to use a cab. It was her fault after all, was it not?_

_She looked at the novel in her lap but instead of opening it she put it back in her bag and got her little diary out. It was a notebook she found in a tiny shop just off Bond Street and as soon as she saw it she fell in love with it. It looked old and used even though it was new and the pages inside were not white but of a brownish colour which made it look even older. It reminded her of Cambridge somehow and whenever she picked it up in her mind she travelled back to the old historic buildings that she had been able to call home for a couple of years during her time of studying at Murray Edwards College.  
The young woman opened the notebook and flicked through the pages covered in her tiny, neat handwriting until she got to the first empty page. Pulling out a pencil from her bag she started writing, telling her beloved mother of her planned surprise for Tom, her time in Madrid, her thoughts and her feelings. Nobody had ever read anything she had written into this book and nobody ever would. And maybe it was not even for her mother that she did this but for herself. To realise that life was still worth living, that there was still so much she cared about and hoped for._

_Time passed quickly and having written almost five full pages Louise closed the little diary, shoved it back into her bag together with the pencil and set off to surprise her boyfriend. The Teatro Español was not too far away from the park and she decided to make use of the fantastic weather and walked the mile along the various streets and alleyways of the city. The theatre was a huge building whose bottom half was covered in grey limestone while the sand-coloured top glistened in the sunshine. Posters announced the final performance of “The Changeling” tonight and she took a photo of them for her album at home. Declan, the director, had given her his mobile number and just as she got her phone out to give him a call he sent her a text message informing her that they were done with the dress rehearsal and Tom obviously planned to grab a bite to eat in one of the cafés surrounding the square now. She walked to the side of the building so as not to run into him too early when she saw him emerging from one of the doors at the front of the theatre. His ginger curls bounced slightly with every step he took and he seemed to be fumbling with his phone. She smiled as she read a text message by him just seconds later. "Done with rehearsal now. Love and miss you!" God, he was adorable. She watched him smilingly as he sat down at one of the tables belonging to one of the little cafés offering food and waited until the waitress taking his order was gone before she carefully walked closer. He had not noticed her yet as he was focusing on his mobile phone again and she used his inattention to step behind him and place her hands over his eyes. He startled and wanted to take the hands away but before he could do so she had already coughed slightly causing him to stop in his movements. “No way,” he mumbled and turned slightly in his seat whereupon she took her hands away and beamed down at him. Shoving the chair away he stood up and pulled her into a tight embrace burying his head in her hair. “I can’t believe it...You little liar,” he whispered smiling against her auburn locks while his large hands seemed to pull her even closer if that was still somehow possible. “I’m sorry,” she replied grinning and looked up at him. “I hope I will be forgiven though.” She continued to look up, a pleading puppy dog expression on her face. He seemed to contemplate that for a little while before grinning widely. “Maybe.” Her eyebrows shot up and she looked at him suspiciously. “Depending on what exactly..?,” she asked smiling but hesitantly while her hands slowly stroked along his sides and lower back. “On that...,” he whispered lovingly and leaned in before closing his glittering blue eyes and carefully pressing his lips onto hers. One of his hands found its way into her neck and he slowly intensified the kiss while his other rested on the small of her back. When she slowly broke away from him a few moments later as the kiss seemed to get more and more passionate she mumbled a little shyly “We’re in public, Tom. Maybe we should continue that later.” He nodded understandingly and gave her another peck on the cheek before he offered her his chair and sat down on the one next to hers. He did not let go of her hand, though, stroking it gently with his thumb. “You have no idea how happy I am that you are here, Lou.” He looked at her with the biggest smile and she could not resist smiling back at him. He just did that to her so easily, making her smile. He made her love him even more than before, every single time he looked at her with his attentive eyes that told her she was the most beautiful woman in the world. “Well, I’m glad you are. Lying to you wasn’t something I’m overly proud of after all,” she confessed a little embarrassed._


	5. Closer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Disclaimer of chapter 1 still applies. Unlike the previous chapters, this one features a teeny-weeny bit of smut (although only somewhat indirectly, but as there are obviously all kinds of ages represented here, I thought I might mention that =) ) Huge thanks to my betareaders for their help!
> 
> Feedback (of any kind) would be very much appreciated. Enjoy =)

5\. Closer

 

“Do you want me to go?,” he asked quietly as he was sitting at the foot of the bed.

It was almost midnight and even the last fans that had lingered outside the hotel before were now gone. She looked over to him from where she stood while braiding her hair. She tied the end up with a hair tie before slowly walking towards him. Carefully she took his hands in hers, surprised again at how much their hands differed in size. But then again he was considerably taller than her as well. Her eyes wandered to his face with the strong jawline, the light stubble covering his cheeks and chin, and the furrowed brows which were always a good indicator as to whether he was truly worried or not. The light of the full moon outside, being the only source of illumination in the room, caused him to look even paler than he did with this dyed black hair and she raised one of her hands to let it gently come to rest on his cheek.

“No Tom, I don’t want you to go,” she whispered. “I want you to come back to me and I don’t believe that leaving now would be a good start to achieve that.”

He nodded almost indiscernible and let his free hand carefully run along the outside of her thigh as she was standing between his legs. He did not want to cross a border that should not be crossed at that very moment and still he longed for her, wanted to have her close to him, wanted to show her that he loved her in every possible way.

“Let’s go to bed, shall we?,” she suggested quietly and pressed a soft and loving kiss to his forehead, to which he only nodded and got up after she had taken a step back.

Slowly she unbuttoned his shirt and pushed it off his shoulders only to let it fall to the ground without taking further notice of it. He merely stood there, watching her every move, as she continued with unbuckling his belt and unzipping his trousers. Her fingers carefully traced his muscular arms before moving to his stomach and up to his chest. His skin was soft and warm and she could feel his muscles tense under her touch. Smiling, she bit her bottom lip as her hand rested on his chest right where his heart was. His heartbeat was slightly faster than normal but still it had a calming effect on her. She looked up to his face as his left hand gently covered hers. There was no need for words or phrases in that moment. No need for excuses or explanations. For once it was only them, no more, no less.

They looked into each others eyes for what seemed like an eternity before he slowly lowered his hands and slipped them underneath her shirt which joined his on the ground shortly after, followed by her pyjama bottoms. His slender fingers followed the contours of her slim body leaving a trace of goosebumps behind, which made him smile a little, before reaching the straps of her black lace bra that he had bought for her a couple of months ago. Carefully he pushed them, one after the other, off her shoulders while his eyes never left hers. The pale moonlight cast shadows onto her smooth skin and bestowed it with an almost angelic glow. Carefully he unhooked her brassiere at the back before letting it slowly slide down to the ground. He could hear his heartbeat quickening in his ears and even though this was by far not the first time he had seen her almost naked, he was still amazed by her sheer beauty, her elegance, her perfection. His fingertips lingered on her spine before gliding towards her waist and slowly around her bellybutton. He let his gaze wander along her body for a moment before he looked her in the face again only to see her eyes fixed on his, her carmine lips slightly parted.

Gently she placed her hands on his hips just above the waistband of his boxer shorts. Her thumbs caressed the skin underneath, feeling the heat radiating from it. With a graceful movement she closed the small gap between their bodies and huddled against his strong muscular frame.

He inhaled deeply as her warm skin touched his while her soft breasts were pressed against his firm chest. Her hair smelled of cinnamon and vanilla and even though she had braided it earlier, a few strands of it had fallen out and fell softly against her skin.

Gently she let her hand glide along his side before tracing his collarbone until she allowed her fingers to rest on his cheek. She smiled a little as she felt the soft stubble underneath her fingertips. For a second she closed her eyes and listened to his breathing while his fingertips caressed her lower back and slid along her spine.

This was different than anything before. Not that he was not gentle normally but it was almost as if they discovered each other anew. It made her heart beat faster, her skin prickle and her knees weaker. It was not about the actual physical act of sleeping with each other but about reminding themselves of who they were, what it meant to be together, how precious and fragile the respective other was. It was about vulnerability and the courage to stand in the other’s presence without a mask or any other kind of protection. It was about sensitivity and trust, about understanding and appreciation. It was about getting to know each other again, learning from each other again, loving each other again. It did not mean that all their problems were entirely forgotten but in that very moment they ceased to exist. The only thing that mattered in that very moment was the softness of their skins, their hearts beating in unison, the elevating experience of making the truest kind of love to their one and only soulmate.


	6. Wiped Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, disclaimer from chapter 1 still applies...comments, criticism, any kind of feedback is highly appreciated =)

6\. Wiped away

“What are you reading?,” Louise asked smiling and looked at Tom’s reflection in the mirror while she tried to tame her auburn curls in front of it.   
He looked up from the stack of paper in his hands.   
“The ‘Hollow Crown’ Script. The shoot will start soon and I want to make sure I know all the lines by then.”   
He was a perfectionist through and through and even more so when it came to his beloved Shakespeare. He could not quite believe his luck when, after signing up to play Prince Hal in ‘Henry IV’, he was asked to play Hal’s older self King Henry V in the TV adaptation as well. Shakespeare was the reason he became an actor and Shakespeare was the reason he never gave up. Playing these two historical figures in Great Britain’s Olympic summer was a great honour for him and he simply did not want to mess up.   
She nodded and looked at her hair again before she sighed and let her hands drop to her sides. It was hopeless, they had a life of their own anyway. Tom chuckled quietly in the background and she turned around to look at him properly.   
“That is not funny, Mr Hiddleston!,” she mumbled and tried to sound offended which did not work at all as soon she saw his adorable puppy eyes looking right at her. A smile flickered across her lips while she shoved her hands in the pockets of her shorts.

“Well, but it is. At least a little bit,” he still grinned a little cheekily, put his papers down and walked over to her.   
Carefully he let his hand glide through her locks and twirled a strand of it around his finger.   
“You look gorgeous,” he whispered without taking his eyes of hers, which suddenly looked a bit sad. Or nervous?   
“Thank you,” she replied a little shyly, not knowing how he managed to make her feel like a nervy 14 year old over and over again, even after all those years.   
He gave her a loving and gentle kiss on the forehead before turning her around slowly. They both faced the mirror now and he smiled slightly at what he saw. Carefully he put his arms around her waist and placed another kiss on her temple.   
“I don’t want to lose you, Lou.”   
His voice was barely audibly, a mere whisper sending shivers down her spine, and yet she was all ears, as an obviously huge ‘but’ was to follow, given the way he said it along with the look in his eyes. Her hazel eyes looked at him in the mirror and she could not disguise her worries that could be so openly read in them. He dropped his gaze shortly before looking back up, back at her.   
“I know you will be on tour until mid-November and that you will be rarely at home until then but...I’ve decided to move out for a little while...to give you some space, give us some space. Maybe some time apart will help us to, you know,...find common ground again and start anew without all those...issues. And in November and December I’ll be shooting ‘The Hollow Crown’ so I wouldn’t be at home anyway.”

Louise had to swallow hard and after a moment of consternation she pushed his arms, and himself, away from her.   
“Okay, just so I get that right: You drove all the way from London to Birmingham yesterday, sat in my hotel room with your pleading puppy dog eyes shedding a few tears of desperation before spending the night with me only to tell me now that you want to move out? Sorry Tom, but I obviously must have missed something.”   
She had turned around and looked at him now in utter disbelief, causing him to take a step backwards.   
“I just think it’s the right thing to do, Lou,” he mumbled, apparently surprised by her reaction. It seemed all rather logical in his mind.   
“Right for whom? For you?,” she asked angrily and glared at him while trying to keep her temper.   
“No, Lou...right for us. I love you, I thought you knew that!”   
He had gotten louder as well and his blue eyes looked darker than just moments before.   
“Yes, I thought I knew that, indeed. Sorry, but if you ask me, screwing me and wandering off a day later does not really fit into the image I have when hearing ‘I love you and don’t want to lose you’ from you, Thomas.”   
He winced a little upon hearing her say his full name. It meant she was angry, really angry. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply before he looked at her again.   
“We have rarely spent a day not arguing in the last few months, Lou. Pretty much every single one of our phone calls and conversations ended in some kind of disagreement and every time it’s something else. Besides, I didn’t just drive all the way to Birmingham to ‘screw’ you, that’s a preposterous allegation and you know that.”   
His wounded expression did not have the effect he expected though, as Louise stepped a little closer and looked straight up at him before replying quietly, “No, right. You drove all the way to Birmingham to screw AND dump me. Sorry for getting that wrong.”   
She turned away from him, fuming with anger and trying to suppress the tears that were forming in her eyes.   
Tom behind her sighed, annoyed.   
“I’m not dumping you, Lou. Don’t always overreact so massively, you’re not 5 anymore.”   
“Oh, I am so sorry that I don’t fulfil your expectations of an entirely submissive girlfriend that merely agrees to everything you say and suggest, Tom.”   
Her reply was dripping with sarcasm and she laughed a short and derogatory laugh.   
The young man behind her let out an angry snort before he grabbed her right arm and turned her around swiftly pressing her against the wall in the same breath. He was a little too close for her taste, given that he was just as angry as she was and a couple of inches taller. Meanwhile, his grip around her arm did not loosen and the look on his face turned even more sinister than before.   
“You really think yourself above me, don’t you? The oh-so-perfect pop star without any flaws and mistakes contrary to her disappointing actor boyfriend who will always remain in her shadow no matter what he does.”   
His voice was a threatening hiss and his blue eyes, which had looked at her so lovingly just moments before, now pierced through her with merciless fury.   
“You are hurting me,” she whispered, tears running down her cheeks, leaving trails of black mascara and eyeliner on them. Never before had she seen him like this, so angry, so threatening.   
He looked at his long fingers around her slender arm and let go immediately.   
She carefully placed her other hand around the patch on her arm where the imprint of his fingers could still be seen, probably having caused a few light bruises that would show themselves later on. Louise still looked at him with fear not knowing what to say. She wanted to contradict him, tell him that she did not, as he put it, see herself above him but in this moment she was not at all sure how he would react. Even though she did not believe him to be capable of hitting her, she rather not risked it and therefore merely stepped aside to get some distance between the two of them.   
At the same time, Tom realised what he had just done, turning his menacing stare into an expression of utter disbelief and shame.   
“I am so sorry, Louise!,” he muttered, obviously terrified of his own actions. “I have no idea what just got into me, I’m sorry! I would never hurt you, you know that, don’t you?!”   
He reached out to her, tried to get hold of her hand but she flinched and backed away even further, causing him to look at her with incredibly sad and apologetic eyes.   
“I think it’s really better if you move out, Thomas,” she merely mumbled and without waiting for his reply, she covered the few meters to the door and left the room.   
Burning tears ran down her cheeks, ruining the makeup she had applied earlier as part of her ‘getting ready for the stage’ routine even more. She would have to fix that now and she would have to calm down within the next hour. Worst of all, she would have to put on a mask tonight on stage.

Without taking further notice of where she went, Louise walked down the endless corridors backstage until she opened a door that led to the flat rooftop of the annexe where she took a deep, relieving breath. The gravel under her Converse shoes scrunched and the distant scraps of conversation and laughter from the fans waiting in front of the arena could be heard. Adding to this, her blood whizzed in her ears and her temples started to throb, increasing her presentiment that tonight’s concert would be one of the worst.

She had not anticipated Tom’s suggestion and least of all his reaction afterwards, not after the previous night. For those precious few hours everything had seemed okay, as if they could overcome their issues and look into a bright and happy future together. But what was left of that now? Her glance fell onto the silver engagement ring on her left hand and after a moment of hesitation she pulled it off and shoved it into her pocket. It felt weird not wearing it, had she gotten so used to it over the past 20 months.  
Leaning onto the wall of the adjacent building, she closed her eyes and took another deep breath while desperately trying to wipe away the tears that still emerged from her eyes. She must look awful by now but who cared about that. After all, there was nothing that makeup could not fix. Unlike her relationship, which could not be as easily saved by M.A.C and Maybelline as her puffy, red eyes and smeared mascara.

She could not tell how long she remained up there, breathing in the fresh summer air, trying to collect her thoughts and feelings. She would have to go back at some point to fix her makeup, to get ready to go on stage and to warm up her vocal chords for tonight’s performance but she feared that Tom might still be there, waiting for her. She would not be able to deal with him anymore, not before the show. She had to focus, calm down, forget, which was way easier said than done.   
Taking another deep breath, however, she straightened up and left the rooftop before walking back along these endless corridors to her changing room. It was empty and nothing remained that allowed any suggestion of what had happened here earlier on. Louise hesitated shortly before stepping in front of the mirror. She did look awful indeed. Grabbing her toiletry bag, she pulled herself together for the sake of her band and started to reapply her makeup. It was time to go on stage soon after all.


	7. Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> same Disclaimer as usual...less Tom in this chapter, more Benedict Cumberbatch...thanks for reading and for giving kudos...a teeny tiny comment would be highly appreciated =)

7\. Friends

With an exhausted sigh, she dropped her bags to the floor after she had entered the hallway of her and Tom’s penthouse apartment in London’s south-west. It was mid-November, rain was constantly falling from the dark grey sky and even though the tour had been great fun after all, Louise was glad to be back home.  
It was dark in the apartment and after walking into the nearby living-room, she switched on a small Tiffany lamp that stood in one of the numerous bookshelves scattered along the walls. It was more of a library than a living-room, as they were both passionate readers and bibliophiles, and the TV that stood in one corner was more or less a decorative item only, at least in this part of the flat.  
They had another room, which was more or less devoted to everything connected to films and music, where a huge plasma tv stood right next to Louise’s pride and joy, her Steinway & Sons grand piano, which her parents had given her for her 18th birthday.  
Moving on to the kitchen, she quickly flicked through the letters left on the counter. They were all addressed to her, meaning that Tom’s mail was apparently re-directed to where he was staying at the moment. She sighed and wiped a strand of hair out of her face, looking around the empty and lifeless apartment. She loved it and not the least because they had chosen all the furniture, all the decorations together. This was her as much as it was Tom and it felt wrong to be here on her own, knowing he would not come through the door any moment, telling her of his latest premiere, photo shoot or day on set.  
The beeping of her phone interrupted her thoughts announcing a text message. She rummaged through her purse and unlocked the screen.   
"Hi Lou, what do you think of dinner at my place? I reckon you’re back in London?!"  
She smiled a little as she read the message from Benedict and contemplated her options. Warm bubble bath or dinner with one of her friends? She decided for the latter and texted him back.   
"Dinner sounds great. Shall I bring something?"  
She went upstairs after picking up her bags and quickly threw the dirty laundry in the washing machine before opening her closet to choose an outfit for the evening. "Just yourself ;) Come as soon as you’re free! Can’t wait to see you!"   
She read his reply, undressed and stepped into the shower. The hot water on her skin felt divine and washed the exhaustion away from her tired limbs, making her look forward to the evening even more.

Smiling, she pressed the doorbell at Ben’s house a little later. Her long curls were tied up in a messy bun and she had replaced her scruffy jeans and sweater combination from earlier on with a chic but casual cream coloured blouse and a pair of black shorts underneath her navy trenchcoat.  
“Hey,” Benedict smiled as he opened the door shortly after and gently pulled her into a long hug.   
“Hey Ben,” she smiled and returned the greeting before following him inside.   
“Mhmm, smells delicious,” Louise declared, as an enticing smell filled the air.   
“I hope it tastes good as well,” her interlocutor mumbled with a smirk and helped her with her coat which soon found it’s place next to his, and some of Tom’s, as Louise realised, at the coat rack.  
They went through to the open kitchen and dining area and the actor poured them both a glass of wine, one of which he handed to Louise.   
“How are you? How was the tour?,” the 35 year old asked after clinking glasses with her.   
The young woman took a sip from the beverage before she answered.   
“I’m good. A bit exhausted but the tour was great fun. It was nice to travel around Britain and Ireland again, meeting all those people. And it’s incredible to see how much the fans like the new record.”   
She smiled at him, almost a little embarrassed of her enthusiasm, but he merely returned that smile, knowing exactly what she meant.

Ben had cooked an Indian Curry, which was absolutely incredible, and both were pretty stuffed as they finished dinner and moved on to the living room to watch a film. Louise dreaded going back to her empty flat and instead, spent some more time at her friend’s place, who seemed to enjoy the company, as they had not seen each other for quite a few weeks and were both unsure when they would have time to meet again.  
“Would you like another one?,” he asked and held up the empty wine bottle.   
“Do you want to get me drunk?,” she smirked and tugged her feet underneath her thighs on the wide, comfy sofa.   
“Ms Norfolk, how could you think such an abominable thing?” He laughed quietly, got up and went to get another bottle from the kitchen.  
Louise looked around the cozy living room. One of Tom’s books lay on the little side table next to the wing chair by the window. They had not talked about Tom at all during the evening and Benedict had also refrained from commenting on the lack of her engagement ring on her finger, unlike the press, who had picked up on that and the possible state of her and Tom’s relationship whenever they could in the previous weeks.  
On the one hand she wanted to talk about it, on the other hand, it would not be fair towards Ben as he was Tom’s best friend and even let him stay at his place since the younger had moved out of their shared apartment.

She looked up at Ben, who had just returned with another bottle of the dark red liquid and poured both another glass each.   
“You okay?,” he quietly asked and looked at her before handing her her glass.   
“No...no, I’m not,” Louise mumbled in reply and dropped her gaze.   
She could feel him sitting down next to her, as the thick padded cushions of the sofa moved under his weight.   
Careful he took her glass away again and placed it on the table next to his before he turned back to her and pulled her gently towards him. His strong arms slipped around her waist and she cuddled up to him, burying her face in his soft cardigan.   
Tears formed in her eyes and she could not help but let them run freely down her cheeks, which were slightly blushed due to the alcohol.   
Ben cradled her softly in his arms, stroking along her lower back with his fingertips. It tickled a little but Louise did not mind. It was nice and comforting and made her feel safe and protected.  
Her tears subsided after a while and she realised that she had left a wet patch on his shoulder.  
“Sorry,” she mumbled embarrassed and let her fingers glide over the soaked fabric.   
“Don’t worry about it,” was his whispered reply and she could feel his breath on her ear.  
Slowly she turned her head a little, their faces now being only centimetres apart.   
He lifted one of his hands and gently brushed a few strands of hair out of her eyes before letting his fingertips linger on her cheek.   
Louise had no idea whether it was her loneliness, the alcohol, the spicy smell of his breath or a combination of all that led her to close the distance between them and gently press her lips against his.  
He tasted of wine and curry and peppermint and she carefully intensified the kiss, letting her tongue play with his, which he responded to gently. His hand slid into her neck while his other carefully lifted her off the sofa and onto his lap.  
Neither of them knew how long the kiss lasted but it was not until they heard the loud bang of the front door that they realised what had just happened. Shocked and guilty, they looked at each other before Louise crawled off his lap and got up, straightening her slightly disarranged clothes at the same time.  
“I should go.”   
It was merely a whisper but Benedict nodded in reply, looking at her apologetically. It was not his fault and she tried to smile a little, to make him feel less bad even though she felt horrible about it herself. It should not have happened, both of them knew that. And that Tom had obviously seen them, made it even worse.  
Grabbing her bag from one of the chairs, Louise walked to the front door, where Ben, who had silently followed her, helped her into her coat. She looked at her feet for a moment before raising her gaze up at him.   
“I am sorry, Benedict.”   
He cut her off with a movement of his hand.   
“Don’t be, Lou. I should be sorry. I know you’re hurt, I should have been more careful.”   
He looked sad and lonely and for a moment she thought about kissing him again, one last time, for comfort, but in the end decided against it. It would make matters only worse.   
“Thanks for the lovely evening, though. Made me feel loads better.”   
Gently she squeezed his hands before opening the door and leaving the house.


	8. Rain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> same disclaimer as usual...feedback, comments, criticism highly appreciated =) and tom is back in this chapter ;)

8\. Rain

 

It was almost midnight and rain poured down from the starless, black sky. She had totally forgotten to hail a taxi and was now left in the rain without an umbrella or a motorised vehicle to bring her home. Sure, she could go back to Ben and wait for a taxi there but there was a scant chance that Tom was still around somewhere and she at least wanted to try and talk to him about what he had just witnessed.  
Louise looked up and down the road and a little further off she saw a hunched figure leaning onto one of the neighbour’s railings. Slowly she walked towards him, her heels clacking on the wet pavement underneath, giving away her every step.  
Tom did not look up even though he must have heard her approaching. He merely stood there in the rain, eyes directed at nothing in particular in the faraway distance, hands in his pocket, his dark blond hair clinging to his forehead.  
Meanwhile, Louise turned up her collar against the wind and rain even though her tights were already soaked, causing her to shiver. “You should go home before you get ill,” Tom mumbled without looking at her. “What if I don’t want to go home?,” she asked quietly and looked at him continuously.  
He looked at her now, pushed himself off the railings and stood up straight. “Well, then maybe you should go back inside and ask Ben if you can share his bed with him to warm yourself up.”   
He did not sound angry, he did not even sound hurt. He just sounded as if he could not care less and it was this indifference that broke Louise’s heart.

“Tom, that kiss..it was nothing. We had too much wine, we were both lonely. It doesn’t mean anything.” She looked at him with sad hazel eyes, her long locks slowly falling out of her hair tie and covering the back of her trenchcoat in thick, wet strands.  
She looked gorgeous, even soaked with rain, he had to admit that. And there was nothing he rather wanted to do at this moment than take her in his arms, kiss her, tell her how much he loved her and go home with her.  
But she had just kissed Ben for God’s sake, his best friend, who had just split up from his girlfriend of 12 years recently and who he trusted more than anyone.  
“Go home, Louise,” he repeated even though he did not move himself but just looked at her. She shivered from the cold and probably also because of the sobering effect the rain had on her.  
Her long, slender legs looked incredible in those black tights and the navy trenchcoat accentuated all the right places, demanding all his willpower to not make a step towards her.   
“Come with me, Tom,” she replied quietly and returned his look. Slowly, she extracted her right hand from her coat pocket and put it out towards him. “Please,” she added and even though it was merely a whisper, it was clearly audible to him.  
She knew their problems would not be solved simply by him coming home with her. They still had to talk about the incident in Birmingham, about everything that had happened between then and now; they had to talk about tonight and tomorrow and next week; about the ring in her purse and those underneath his soft, blue eyes.  
He looked at her hand, which trembled slightly in the cold, and back up to her face. It was the second time already that she asked him to come back, back home.  
Louise bit her lip while withdrawing her hand a little later, as it was obvious he did not want to take it, and shoved it back into her coat pocket.   
For a moment she thought about giving him a kiss on the cheek but his obvious disinterest made her decide against it. “Goodnight, Tom,” she simply mumbled before walking past him down the road. She had no particular destination but standing there one minute longer, looking at him, would break her heart.  
Walking along the uneven pavement in the rain, she realised that even here, in one of the residential areas far away from the crowds of tourists and nightclubbers, it was never entirely quiet.   
Cars could be heard in the distance, the clattering of dishes through open kitchen windows or bits and pieces of conversations, arguments, confessions of love.  
The rustling of bushes on her left made her startle and she looked around only to find a fox staring at her before he ran back into the darkness behind him.

A group of youngsters came walking towards her and she kept to the left side of the pavement so as to let them walk past her. She normally tried to avoid walking around London on her own in the night as there might always be somebody who did not like her, her music or her band and things could turn nasty quite easily. And here she was, all on her own.  
“Oh, look who we’ve got here,” one of them laughed and pointed at her. “If that’s not sexy Louise from The Chase, eh?! What are you doing here, all on your own, without your bodyguards?” He took a step towards her as she wanted to walk past them and cut off her route.  
“Not so fast, dear. Let us have a proper look at you first, hm?,” he grinned and came even closer, his hand now moving towards her cheek while his friends were just chuckling in the background. He was tall and athletic and after looking at his friends, Louise realised she did not really have a chance. Her hand inside her pocket moved to her phone and she unlocked it unnoticed.  
Tom’s number was on speed dial and within a matter of seconds his phone would be ringing. She just hoped he would actually pick up.  
“Don’t touch me, okay!”, she hissed at the man and tried to walk away from him again but this time he grabbed her and pushed her hard against the fence behind her.   
“You think you can tell me what to do? I can touch you whenever I want, you little slut,” he replied, placing one of his big hands next to her head while the other slowly unbuttoned her trenchcoat. Again, Louise tried to push him away but he reacted with a swift movement of his hand and slapped her right across the face, causing her to moan in agony.   
“Now now, maybe that will teach you a lesson,” he murmured and continued with his previous actions.  
“And maybe that will teach you a lesson, asshole!” With a rapid move the guy was turned around and, as he was too surprised to act, and with his ‘friends’ having run off already, Tom easily landed the first blow right in his stomach, causing him to bend over. He added another kick into the guy’s bowels, pushing him away onto the pavement until the youth obviously got the message and ran off into the distance.  
“Are you okay? Did they hurt you?” Tom looked at her, a worried expression on his face.   
“You’re bleeding, Lou! What happened? What did they do to you?” His eyes moved over her body, realising her trenchcoat was open and even more anger crossed his face.   
“I’m going to kill them,” he mumbled and looked around but all of them were gone of course. Louise merely looked at him, still too shocked and surprised to take in what had just happened.   
Carefully, he placed his hands on her cheeks, causing her to flinch slightly when he touched the place where that guy had landed his blow. “I’m sorry...But it’s okay now, you’re safe, alright?! Come on, I’ll take you home.” Gently, he put his arm around her and led her down the road where he hailed a taxi that would bring them back to their apartment.

Inside the car, he pulled her towards him while his hand moved slowly along her arm. He pressed a kiss on the top of her head and looked down at her face. “Are you okay?,” he whispered and she nodded in reply.  
“Thank you, Tom,” she breathed and carefully wiped away the blood that ran out of her nose. Her head was throbbing and she was still soaked from the rain. All of this was definitely too much for one evening and she longed for her home, for a hot bath.  
“I shouldn’t have let you go, Lou. I’m sorry!” He really felt guilty for letting her go earlier, for forgetting all of his manners, leading to Louise being in such a dangerous situation. He was glad she had called him, glad that he found her so soon.

“Let me have a look at that,” he mumbled and sat her down on one of the kitchen stools before he went of to get their first-aid kit from the bathroom. When he came back, he carefully cleaned the small wound, causing her to flinch again shortly but other than that she did not complain.  
He could feel her eyes on him, as he moved around afterwards, making a cup of tea for both of them, while a bath was running for her already upstairs.  
“You don’t have to do that.” She looked at him from where she sat and he turned around after he had poured both of them a cuppa. “I mean, I’m glad you do, but you don’t have to. I don’t want you to only be here because of a bad conscience. There’s no need for that, it was my own decision to go earlier.”

He picked up both cups and placed one in front of her.   
“I know, Lou,” he replied quietly and seemed to collect his thoughts before he added, “I know that...I know that a lot of things have gone wrong in the past few months and weeks between us. And I know that we can’t just forget about them. But...as horrible as it is, maybe this just now...these guys...maybe they made me realise, how precious you are to me. And even though I’m still quite shocked to be honest that you and Ben...you know, kissed, I’ve also realised that running away from our problems just isn’t an option. Because if we keep running away, this horrible distance between us will grow bigger and bigger...and I’d hate for that to happen.”   
Louise looked at him for a second.   
“Believe me, Tom, me too,” she whispered before they both smiled shyly at each other.


	9. When you're smiling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disclaimer as usual =) thanks for reading and for the kudos =) really appreciate it...enjoy this one...

9\. When you’re smiling

She looked up from her notebook while sitting at her piano composing when she heard something scraping at the front door. It was Friday night, Tom was out with Benedict and Luke and since the incident with those youths a couple of nights back, she was a little more jumpy than before.  
She went to the door and went up on tiptoes to look through the peephole, and then had to chuckle lightly as the only thing visible through it were Tom’s unruly curls. She watched him for a little longer, hearing him curse quietly on the other side of the door.  
Obviously Mr Hiddleston had had a bit too much to drink.  
Sighing he leaned onto the door with his forehead, contemplating whether he should knock or ring the doorbell or rather stay outside in the hallway. Louise felt sorry for him and carefully opened the door so as not to startle him.  
He straightened up immediately and looked at her apologetically while holding on to the doorframe a little.  
“Hey,” she smiled and stepped aside to let him in.  
“Hey Lou,” he replied a little embarrassed and entered the apartment a little shakily, causing Louise to laugh quietly.  
“Are you okay, Tom?” She closed the door and leaned onto it, watching him while he pushed off his shoes, all the time holding onto the wall.  
“Yep, why shouldn’t I be?” He turned around and looked at her trying to hide the fact that he was obviously a little drunk and failing miserably.  
“Don’t know,” she grinned and went past him back to her piano. He followed her slowly and almost tripped over the carpet as he entered the room. He mumbled a few insults, probably Shakespearian, at the rug before looking up only to see Louise watching him with an amused expression on her face.  
“What?,” he asked innocently and let his hand run through his curls. Louise only shook her head laughing and closed the lid of the piano.  
“Did you have a good night with Ben and Luke?” She carefully leaned onto the instrument while she looked at Tom quizzically.  
He was adorable when he was drunk, almost like a clumsy, little boy, and he was even cuter when he tried to pretend that he was sober, which never worked. He was an incredible actor, for sure, but all of his talent went out of the window as soon as he had a few beer too many.   
Sighing, he sat down on the huge and comfortable sofa and closed his eyes for a moment.   
“Yes, it was great. I talked to Ben for ages and we’re okay now.” He looked at her after this statement, awaiting her reaction.  
“I’m glad you are,” she mumbled in reply and went over to the sofa to take a seat next to him, wherefore he turned around a little to be able to look at her.  
“He said you two haven’t talked yet?!” Louise sighed and dropped her gaze onto her hands which rested in her lap.  
“No...no, we haven’t.” She hated that this kiss still stood between Ben and her and it made her uncomfortable when thinking about it in Tom’s presence.  
“You should, Lou. He’s your friend, too.” The young woman looked back up at him.  
“I know, Tom. And I will talk to him soon, don’t worry.”

Her soft hazel eyes scanned his face, taking in every freckle, every line, every wrinkle.  
“Have I got something in my face?,” he mumbled and his thin lips turned into a broad smile, causing her to smile at him as well.  
“Well, you’ve got two incredibly beautiful eyes, a very cute nose, very alluring lips and, last but not least, a very sexy beard,” she teased him grinning and now it was his turn to laugh quietly before he looked away, seemingly a little embarrassed.  
“So nothing out of the ordinary, don’t worry,” she added still smiling, wherefore he looked up at her again.  
“That’s good to hear,” he mumbled and for a little while they just looked at each other.

The only source of light in the room was the old library lamp next to the grand piano, turning everything slightly golden due to the ochre coloured lampshade. Louise’s auburn hair shimmered in a darker tone than normally and her olive skin glowed against the pale fabric of the sofa.  
“You are beautiful, Louise,” Tom whispered after a while, not taking his eyes of her. She blushed a little but did not avert her eyes from his. He smiled lovingly before he slowly got up from the sofa, still a bit wobbly on his legs thanks to his overconsumption of alcohol earlier on.  
He walked over to their gramophone and shortly after, Louis Armstrong’s ‘When you’re smiling’ filled the room. Louise bit her lip and looked at him expectantly as he came back to her and stretched out his hand.  
“May I have this dance, milady?”  
“Of course you may,” she smiled shyly and got up before he pulled her gently towards him.   
“I’m afraid I’m not entirely sober, though,” he mumbled a little embarrassed while she snuggled up to him.  
He placed one hand on her lower back while his other held hers close to his heart.  
“That’s okay,” she chuckled a little and her breath tickled his ear, sending goosebumps over his skin. Slowly they swayed back and forth, matching the rhythm of the music. Louise leaned her head against his chest, feeling the warmth of his body through the thin fabric of his shirt. Her fingertips gently traced an invisible pattern on his right shoulder.

They were still dancing when the song was long over and only the quiet rustling of the gramophone steel needle could still be heard.  
“What are you doing this weekend?,” Tom whispered against her hair, causing Louise to look up at him.  
“Nothing so far...why?” He seemed relieved and answered just as quietly,  
“Well, I’ve got the weekend off as well, so...maybe you’d like to go somewhere. Just you and me.” She looked at him lovingly and could not help but beam at him.  
“That would be really lovely! Where would you like to go?” He thought about this for a second, still dancing with her slowly.  
“Hm, what about somewhere at the coast? Maybe Kent or Sussex or even Dorset,” he suggested, kissing her softly on the temple.  
“Dorset sounds great. I always wanted to go and visit Corfe Castle,” she mumbled happily, enjoying his endearments.  
“So, Dorset it is then.” He smiled against her hair, still holding her close with no intention to let her go anytime soon.

“Have you been working on something?,” he mumbled after a while as her notebook still lay open on top of the black instrument. She nodded against his chest before looking up at him.  
“Nothing special though, just something I had in mind for quite some time now.” She smiled a little shyly and burrowed her face in the crook of his neck, inhaling his very particular smell, tinted with the scents of alcohol, sweat and the interior of the pub he had been in earlier that evening.  
“Could I hear it?," he whispered and he closed his eyes as he felt her breath on his skin while still holding her slender frame close to his.  
She hesitated for a moment but mumbled a “yes” as a reply before she let go of him a little. Gently, she pulled him over to the piano and he sat next to her on the cushioned piano stool as she opened the black, shiny lid to reveal the contrasting ivory and black keys underneath.  
“It’s not finished yet, though,” she explained and looked at her notes again shortly. Her fingers fit perfectly onto the keys and she did not even need to look down at them as she started to play the tune.  
Her velvet and soft voice filled the room shortly after and he listened to her in awe, enthralled as he always was, when hearing her sing.

You’ve got the words to change a nation  
but you’re biting your tongue.  
You spent a lifetime stuck in silence,  
afraid that you’ll say something wrong.  
If no one ever hears it,  
how we gonna learn your song.  
So come on, come on,  
come on, come on.

You’ve got a heart as loud as lions  
so why let your voice be tamed.  
Maybe we’re a little different,  
there’s no need to be ashamed.  
You’ve got the light to fight the shadows  
so stop hiding it away.  
Come on, come on

I wanna sing,  
I wanna shout,  
I wanna scream till the words dry out.  
So put it in all of the papers,  
I’m not afraid.  
They can read all about it,  
read all about it...  
oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

At night we’re waking up the neighbours,  
while we sing away the blues.  
Making sure that we’re remembered  
cause we all matter, too  
If the truth has been forbidden  
then we’re breaking all the rules.  
So come on, come on,  
come on, come on

Let’s get the tv and the radio  
to play our tune again.  
It’s about time we had some airplay  
of our version of events.  
There’s no need to be afraid,  
I will sing with you, my friend.  
So come on, come on...

I wanna sing,  
I wanna shout,  
I wanna scream till the words dry out.  
So put it in all of the papers,  
I’m not afraid.  
They can read all about it,  
read all about it...  
oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

Yes, we’re all wonderful wonderful people.  
So when did we all get so fearful.  
And now we’re finally finding our voices.  
So take a chance, come help me sing this.

Yes, we’re all wonderful wonderful people.  
So when did we all get so fearful.  
And now we’re finally finding our voices.  
So take a chance, come help me sing this.

I wanna sing,  
I wanna shout,  
I wanna scream till the words dry out.  
So put it in all of the papers,  
I’m not afraid.  
They can read all about it,  
read all about it...  
(lyrics from Emeli Sandé’s “Read all about it pt 3”)

“That was beautiful, Lou,” Tom whispered after she had finished and her hands slid off the keys into her lap. Lovingly, he kissed her temple and carefully took one of her hands in his before intertwining his fingers with hers.  
“You think so?” She looked up at him, a hint of doubt in her hazel eyes, and he merely nodded with a proud smile on his lips before adding,  
“Yes, I think so.”  
Louise blushed a little and turned back to the piano keys.  
“Are you sober enough to play with me?,” she grinned. He knew she was teasing him, as she always did when he had a little too much to drink, but he did not mind and he simply repaid her by lovingly biting her earlobe, which she responded to with a quiet giggle.  
“Don’t be so cheeky, miss!,” he mumbled grinning and placed his hands next to hers on the keys.  
Without any further comment she started to play and after watching her for a moment to discern the tune, he joined in, even though he was not as experienced a player as she was. He smiled when he realised what she was playing and got a bit more confident after a couple of seconds.  
She bit her lip, smiling, as he quietly sang along to the last verse. He was not a trained singer but it was the gesture, not the perfection, that mattered to her.

When the night has been too lonely  
And the road has been too long.  
And you think that love is only  
For the lucky and the strong.  
Just remember in the winter  
Far beneath the bitter snow,  
lies the seed that with the sun’s love  
In the spring becomes the rose.  
(lyrics from Bette Midler’s “The Rose”)

She slowly turned towards him on the narrow stool and looked at him with love in her eyes, which he returned affectionately. Tenderly, he placed his hand on her cheek, slowly stroking along her cheekbone with his thumb and she leaned into his touch slightly.  
“I love you!,” he whispered without averting his gaze.  
“I love you, too!,” she replied just as quietly before their lips met in a passionate kiss.


	10. Up and Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, you know what's coming, don't you?...same disclaimer as usual ;) enjoy

10\. Up and away

They got up early the next morning and, even though he complained a little about it, Louise snatched the car keys away from Tom and took her seat behind the steering wheel. Not that he was not entirely sober again but he had worked hard the last few days and she wanted to give him the chance to catch up on sleep during the two and a half hour drive down to Dorset’s coast.  
She had sent her bandmates a text earlier, telling them of her plans for the weekend and, as Olly had received one too, he had informed her that they could even stay until Monday if Tom’s schedule allowed it. A quick call to Luke had resulted in their decision to prolong their stay until Monday indeed, as both were not expected back in London before later on Tuesday.  
It was a cold and grey winter day and fog hung over the trees on either side of the motorway, creating a rather gloomy atmosphere. Nevertheless, Louise was in a great mood, quietly humming along to her favourite Josh Groban CD while Tom next to her had fallen asleep as soon as they had left London’s city centre.  
The traffic on the M25 was dreadful as usual and it took ages until they were finally on the M3 leading them down to the coast.  
Louise loved this part of England. She had spent lots of fantastic holidays in Hampshire, given that her mother Emily was originally from Winchester and her two elder brothers Chris and Max were born there as well.  
Up until the death of her grandparents a couple of years back, Louise had spent at least one week per year in the former capital of England and she loved going back even now. But this time, she would not stop in Winchester, as she and Tom were headed for another lovely spot of English soil on the southern coast.  
The drive down to Wareham took a little longer than she had thought but as they had left early enough, it was still only half past 9 as the ruins of Corfe Castle appeared on the horizon. Tom had booked accommodation for them before they had left London and it was for Mortons House Hotel that Louise was headed now.

After passing the ‘Corfe Castle - Please drive carefully’ sign, signalling their imminent arrival at their destination, she stroked gently along Tom’s thigh. “Hey sleepyhead, wake up, we’re almost there,” she smiled and steered the car along Corfe Castle’s narrow streets. He mumbled something inaudible before running his hands over his face.  
“Did I really sleep the entire drive?! God, I’m sorry, Lou.” He looked at her apologetically but she only shook her head in dismissal.  
“I’m glad you did. You needed it, Tom.” She returned his look shortly before focusing on the traffic around them again, although it was not long before the driveway of the hotel appeared on their left and Louise parked the car smoothly in one of the parking bays.  
“Wow, how on earth did you find that? It looks gorgeous,” she mumbled while looking at the 16th century manor house in front of them.  
“Wait until you see the inside,” he grinned and got out of the car, stretching his tired and stiff limbs in the open air.  
Louise followed him shortly after and together they walked the few meters to the entrance of the hotel.  
“Wow,” she mumbled amazed, as they entered their room a little later. It had a huge open fireplace next to the dark four-poster bed, carmine coloured walls and a burgundy coloured ottoman stood at the wall opposite the bed. Tom stopped behind her.  
“I’m glad you like it,” he smiled, giving her a peck on the cheek, before he dropped their bags on top of the dark wooden chest that stood at the food of the bed.  
“Like it? I love it!” Louise grinned and walked over to the window. “Look, did you see that? We can even see the castle from here.” She motioned for him to come over, excited about the view, the tranquility and perfection of it. Tom laughed at her quietly, soon taking up the space next to her. She looked at him, a little embarrassed because of her childish behaviour.  
“Sorry, I’ll try to keep the excited squealing to a minimum from now on,” she grinned, causing him to laugh again.  
“I don’t mind you squealing,” he smiled and looked at her lovingly, carefully placing an arm around her waist, drawing her closer.  
“Shall we get some breakfast before we go exploring?” His voice was but a mere whisper but she heard him well enough.  
“Sounds like a plan,” she replied and kissed him softly on the cheek before they left the hotel shortly after.

They had breakfast at the little National Trust tea-room just below Corfe Castle, indulging in self-made scones and clotted cream, teasing and feeding each other. The problems of the last days, weeks, and months seemed to be forgotten for a little while, left behind in cold and busy London.  
It was almost noon when they made their way up to the castle. The sun had come out and shone down on them and their history-charged surroundings, though it was still freezing cold and Louise pulled the zipper of her olive parka up to her chin.  
They took their time, walking around the ruins, learning about its cruel and violent history with Tom letting off the occasional Shakespearean stanza, pretending to be Henry V crying his troops to battle.  
“You’re going to be fantastic, Tom. I can’t wait to see it.” Louise looked up at him, standing atop a broken piece of the wall from which he swiftly jumped down to be at eye level with her - well, at least almost eye level.  
“You think so?,” he asked quietly, even a bit shyly.  
“Yes, I think so,” she nodded and carefully took his hands in her own.  
He dropped his gaze before looking out over the treetops, surrounding the ancient site they were standing at, letting out a sigh.  
Louise looked at him, questioning and worrying while her thumbs caressed the backs of his hands.  
“What’s wrong, Tom?,” she whispered and he turned his head to look at her again, doubt and a hint of sadness in his eyes. He hesitated for a moment.  
“Sometimes I wonder whether they cast the right guy....I’m not sure I’m good enough for this, Lou.” He put his finger on her lips as she wanted to object and continued quietly,  
“You know, what I said to you, back in Birmingham...about me always being in your shadow? I know that’s not how you see me and I’m sorry for accusing you of that...but I’m afraid that’s how I feel ever so often. I can’t help it, I’m afraid. You and the guys,...you’ve always known what you wanted, you always got what you wanted.” He paused again and tears were welling up in Louise’s eyes. “I’ve always admired you for that, you know. For being so strong and so determined...and so stubborn.” He smiled a little but turned serious again instantly. “I know, I shouldn’t feel that way and please, don’t believe it’s your fault, but...I guess I’m just not as good as you. And I’m not sure I ever will be.”  
He looked at her sadly and let his hands slip out of hers. She returned his look, helpless tears running down her cheeks now. She had not known. She had never known he felt that way, about her, about them. She sniffled a little before tenderly placing her hands on his cheeks.

“Listen to me, Thomas William Hiddleston! You are an incredible man, an incredible actor and you will be the best Henry V the world has ever seen and most definitely the best one I’ll have ever seen. You have fought so hard for this, for all of what you’ve achieved and no one deserves it more than you do. Don’t you ever think yourself beneath me, do you hear me? Never!” Her voice had dropped to a whisper and she slowly shook her head to emphasise her utterance while dropping her hands and never losing eye contact with him.  
He bit his lip and looked at her, at her shiny hazel eyes and her rosy cheeks, wet with tears. Carefully, he wiped them away with his thumbs before he pulled her in for a tight embrace. He buried his face in her hair that smelled of vanilla and cinnamon, a smell he had grown to love so much because of her. Louise snuggled up close to him, her hands slowly stroking along his back her face buried in the crook of his neck. They stayed like this for ages, it seemed, and it was not until Tom’s stomach grumbled quietly that they moved apart tentatively, an embarrassed smile on his lips.  
“Time to grab some lunch, eh?,” she mumbled and looked up to him again, smirking.  
“I guess so,” he grinned. But just as Louise wanted to start walking down the path back into the village, Tom pulled her back to him gently, pressing his lips softly onto hers.


	11. Megan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the usual disclaimer and the usual plea for feedback ;)

11\. Megan

“Where are we going?,” she asked, looking out of the window. The scenery was just incredibly beautiful and so entirely different to what she was used to, either in London or while on tour.  
“You’ll see,” he grinned and steered the car further along the seemingly endless road that took them away from Corfe Castle until Tom parked the car on one of the numerous parking lots not too far away from the beach. They were in Studland; that much she had been able to guess from the signs they had passed while getting there. But the reason why was still unknown to the young woman.

They got out of the car and she looked around. Seagulls could be heard in the distance together with the dark grumbling of the waves crashing against the shore. It smelled of fish and seaweed...and horses. She wrinkled her nose and turned to Tom who stood next to the car’s driver’s seat, smiling like a little school boy who had just gotten an A on his first test.  
  
“Can you now tell me where we are and why we are here?” Her eyebrows moved slowly upwards. The smell of horses was definitely not one she was particularly fond of since her former best friend’s mare Betty had thrown her off into the biggest puddle of mud that was around when she was 14 before trampling on her and breaking her arm. Tom, on the other hand, was an admirer of these animals since he had worked with them on Thor and War Horse and had constantly tried to persuade her that they were not that evil and malicious after all. Without much success...so far. He closed the door and walked around the vehicle until he stood right in front of her.  
  
“We, my lovely, gorgeous fiancée, are in Studland,” he grinned.  
“Oh really? You don’t say! I thought this was the Costa Brava but thanks so much for clarifying that!” Her reply was dripping with sarcasm and she hit Tom lightly against the chest, causing him to moan theatrically, clutching his thorax with both hands while he pretended to be in a never-ending agony.  
“Actors...,” Louise sighed and shoved her hands into the pockets of her black skinny jeans, waiting for him to be finished with his act.  
“Did you leave your sense of humour in the hotel?,” he smirked, kissing her quickly before he took her hand and walked a little down the road with her.   
A sign announced ‘Studland Stables’ and having her worries confirmed, Louise’s steps started to slow down a little..  
“What’s wrong, Lou?” Tom turned towards her, a quizzical expression on his face.  
“Horses, Tom?! That’s pretty much wrong. Especially in combination with me,” she mumbled, doubt flickering in her eyes. He turned towards her, taking both her hands in his, stroking them gently.  
“Let’s just go and have a look, okay? If you really, really don’t like it, then we’ll leave, promise!” His eyes, that shimmered a muddy, soft green today, looked at her, pleading for her consent. And how could she not give it, with him looking at her like that? He knew how to make her knees weak and her brain squashy, that little bastard. But even in that moment, she did not mind and simply nodded before they resumed their walk towards the stables.

Tom talked to one of the instructors and they were soon led around by a young woman, who was responsible for the horses. Her name was Jo; she had long, thick, brown hair that flowed all the way down her back and looked pretty good in these tight, creme coloured riding breeches. Louise was not the only one to notice that and Tom had obvious difficulties to not look at her derriere the entire time. He could see the young woman next to him smirk out of the corner of his eye and he looked at her.  
  
“What?,” he whispered, leaning over to her a little.  
“Looks nice, huh?,” Louise grinned and looked straight at Jo, who was walking in front of them towards the stables. Tom blushed and averted his eyes, looking at everything except the women in front of and next to him.  
“And this would be Megan, your horse for the beach ride, if you decided to give it a go. She might not look like it, but she can handle two grown-ups easily as long as you don’t gallop down the beach like lunatics.” Jo grinned and Tom let out a quiet laugh, still embarrassed at his obvious staring even though Jo had not even realised.  
Meanwhile, Louise looked at the sorrel, still not entirely convinced this whole horse riding at the beach idea was a good one. But she knew how much Tom liked horses and therefore decided to give it a go.

Just with a snaffle and without a saddle on her back, they guided the gentle mare down to the beach. Tom was captivated by Megan, stroking and patting her the entire time, while Louise was still a little wary and kept her distance. If all went wrong, Tom could at least have a go on his own and she would spent some time walking along the beach.  
  
He stopped next to a rock and held his hand out to Lou, who took it hesitantly.  
“I’m here, okay? And if there is anything wrong at all, tell me. I’ll stop and you can get off, alright?” He really wanted her to enjoy it, she could see that in his eyes, so she merely nodded with the hint of a smile, put her riding helmet on and climbed onto the kneehigh rock from which it was easier for her to mount the horse. Megan was a saint the entire time and Jo had told them so before. Obviously she was perfect for those who had never been on a horse before or those who were just about to start riding again. Taking a deep breath, and with an encouraging squeeze of her hand from Tom, she mounted and he followed shortly after.  
“You okay?,” he whispered in her ear, his strong arms around her, holding the reins. Louise nodded, though she was not really okay. Her heart was racing and every fibre in her body screamed at her to get off this horse. She was tensed up and the only things that kept her from jumping off straight away were Tom’s arms on either side, his chest against her back, his thighs against her thighs.  
  
They were still standing in the very same spot and slowly his composure spread over to her and she managed to finally open her eyes, which she had closed as soon as she had been on Megan’s back. He gave her a slight kiss on the cheek before goading Megan, causing her to walk slowly across the sand.  
“Just try to relax and adapt the rhythm of the horse, darling. It will be fine,” Tom whispered in her ear. He was so confident and relaxed, though Louise had no idea how he managed as she was still nervous as hell. This was just a horse, for God’s sake, not a tiger or an elephant. The worst thing that could happen would be her landing on her bum in the sand. She would survive that for sure.  
  
It was not that bad after all and when they returned Megan to the stables about two hours later, Louise was actually smiling and patting the horse gently. They helped unsaddle her and thanked Jo before they left the grounds and walked back to the car.  
“Thanks Tom. That was actually quite fun,” Louise smiled and gently took his hand while walking next to him. He looked at her, smiling broadly.  
“I’m glad you liked it,” he replied and kissed her on the forehead.  
  
“How about a lovely, hot bubble bath now and then we’ll go and find a nice restaurant for dinner, hm?” He opened the door for Louise and she smiled up at him.  
“Sounds lovely,” she mumbled and gave him a short but tender kiss before they both got in the car and drove back to their hotel, desperate to warm up after this chilly afternoon at the beach.


	12. Flames gone out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> usual disclaimer applies...thanks for reading =)

12\. Flames gone out

In the end, they had decided to have dinner at the hotel after all as it offered really fantastic food. And besides, they were both too tired to go out and into the village again.  
The dining-room was relatively empty and after the waitress had taken their orders, they were left by themselves again.

Tom loved the remoteness of the place. No fans, no press, no photographers that hunted them around the city, trying to get photos of the most intimate moments. Here it was just him and Louise and they had both needed this break...desperately. They still had a lot to talk about, both knew that. After all, they had barely seen each other in the last few months and the few times they actually had spent time together, they had argued most of the time.

The lights around them were mainly dimmed and candles created a cozy atmosphere which was even increased by the crackling fire in the huge, old stone fireplace.

Louise opposite him was wearing a close-fitting turquoise blouse with a loose bow at the neck and a black blazer. Together with a rather tight and very sexy pair of black trousers and her favourite black suede 4" heels, which brought her almost up to his height, she looked absolutely incredible. He himself had gone for black suit trousers, an equally black waistcoat and a crisp white shirt with a red tie.

Her cheeks were still a little flushed from the fresh air and the hot bubble bath earlier, and she wore no makeup. Though she did not need to anyway, as she looked beautiful all the time. His hand lay, palm upwards, on the stark white tablecloth and she gently played with his fingers, which made him smile.

They both looked up as the waitress brought the champagne Tom had ordered.

“Thank you,” he smiled and waited until she was gone, before he filled both their champagne flutes, handing one to Louise afterwards.  
“To a wonderful weekend,” he suggested as a toast and she replied the same, smiling. His eyes never left hers, as they clinked glasses and both took a sip of the sparkling liquid.

“I seriously can’t remember the last time we went out together, just the two of us, on a date,” Louise mumbled and he could see a trace of sadness in her eyes. Tom sighed quietly. 

He had been so busy in the last few months, shooting ‘The Avengers’, and promoting ‘Thor’ and ‘The Deep Blue Sea’, and now he was in the midst of promoting ‘War Horse’ and shooting ‘Henry V’. The schedule for the next year was just as packed and with The Chase being on tour again as well, there would be quite a couple of weeks where phone calls, emails, and skype were to be the only possible ways of communication.

They both knew from the start that a relationship under these circumstances would not be easy but that did not mean that he never felt bad about the way it was.  
He looked at her apologetically and mumbled,

“I know, me neither. I will really try to spend more time with you, Lou.” She gently squeezed his hand.

“This is not only because of you, Tom. The guys and me, we’ve been so busy since April with the new album and the tour. I guess we just have to find a way to deal with this a bit better.” He nodded and carefully intertwined his fingers with hers.

They remained silent for a while and the only noises in the room were the crackling of the fire and the occasional clatter from the kitchen. The wind outside was howling, making the windowpanes rattle a little.

“Lou?...Can I ask you something?” Tom looked at her, unsure and shyly.  
“Of course you can,” she smiled and took another sip from her glass. He dropped his gaze and fiddled nervously with the napkin in front of him. Louise got a bit worried and added quietly,  
“Tom,...what is it?” He sighed and let his fingers run through his longer, curly hair before he looked up at her again.

“Did you ever, in those last weeks and months, I mean, think about...about breaking up?”  
Louise looked up at him, quite surprised and taken aback.  
“Um,...no, I haven’t thought about breaking up. Sure, we have our issues and we have to work a little harder in the future to make it work, but...I’ve spent the last 9 years with you, Tom. Simply giving up and walking away from ‘us’ is no option for me and never has been.” Louise still looked at him, a little hurt. She thought about asking him the same question but decided against it. Maybe because she was afraid of the answer?

“Then why did you take your engagement ring off?” Now it was his turn to sound hurt and she quickly looked at her left hand before she answered, quietly, carefully.

“I took it off after that incident in Birmingham, Tom....I had never before seen you like this and I dearly hope it will never happen again. I was seriously scared of you in that moment.” She hesitated and he dropped his gaze, ashamed. “After this...argument, I thought it inappropriate to wear this ring, when it wasn’t certain anymore, whether we’re still at that point in our relationship where we could swear to love and cherish each other till death do us part. I think that somehow,....somehow we have to work for this ring again, Tom.” She still looked at him, hoping he would understand what she meant. He inhaled deeply before he looked back up.

“You have no idea how sorry I am, Lou. I never, ever in my life wanted to scare you! I never wanted to hurt you in any way, I hope you know that! And I really hope that, in the not so distant future, I will be able to put this ring back on your finger.” His voice was husky and his eyes were slightly watery.

“We both need to work for that. This is not a burden for you to carry alone,” she whispered and lifted up their intertwined hands to breathe a kiss on his, which made him smile, a little relieved.

The atmosphere got more relaxed while they were eating. They had chosen wine with their food, and the alcohol together with the good meal helped them to relax further. Louise offered him some of her fish on a fork but just before he wanted to eat it, she pulled back, teasing him a bit. His eyebrows shot up and he looked at her with a smirk. Gently he held onto her hand and helped himself to the fish.

“Mhmm, that tastes great. Want to try a bit of mine?,” he asked afterwards and offered her a bit of his own sirloin. She nodded, quite sure that he would come back at her now and moved towards him with a tentative smile. And just before she could touch the beef, he of course pulled the fork back and ate it himself, a huge grin on his face.

“Tss, thanks Mr Hiddleston,” she mumbled, pretending to be offended, although she could not resist a tiny smile due to his cuteness at that particular moment.  
“Sorry, that was just too tempting,” he grinned and offered her another piece. She ate it off his fork seductively and he bit his lip while watching her.

“That’s mean, Lou,” he mumbled with a slightly embarrassed smile. How could she be so incredibly sexy even when she was eating? Louise just smiled innocently, while her foot traced along his leg underneath the table, causing him to swallow lightly.

They had not been intimate again since Birmingham two and a half months ago and, natural as it was, they craved for each other. In London, everything was a constant reminder of their problems. Both hoped therefore that the remoteness of this manor hotel at the foot of Corfe Castle could allow them to fall victim to their cravings again without being constantly reminded of what had gone wrong in the past.

"Why don't we skip pudding and go upstairs after this?," she smiled sweetly. She felt sorry for him, as she could literally see his heart break at this suggestion, knowing how much he loved pudding which made teasing him a little more fun than it already was.  
"Sure," he merely replied and looked back at his plate.  
"Or we could ask for pudding being brought to our room," she grinned and again her foot slowly caressed his lower leg up to his knee, causing him to look up at her hungrily.  
"That sounds way better," he grinned, a little embarrassed and they soon went up to their room while their orders were taken care of.

His arms found their way around her waist while she opened the door and he softly nibbled on her ear, which made her giggle quietly. Once inside he gently pressed her against the door, one hand next to her head, the other slowly stroking along her side.

"We should try to stay dressed until our pudding gets here," Louise whispered, smiling to which Tom merely nodded before kissing her slowly but lovingly. Burying one hand in his hair and the other grasping the back of his waistcoat, she pulled him closer, causing him to moan into the kiss quietly. Teasingly she bit his lip to which he replied with a short pinching of her bottom. She grinned against his lips before opening her mouth ever so slightly, allowing his tongue entrance that it so carefully had asked for.

A knock on the door interrupted them a little later and they let go of each other a bit reluctantly before straightening their clothes and hair. Tom opened the door, letting the waitress come inside with the little food trolley, which she left with them before wishing them goodnight.  
Curiously, Louise opened the lid of one plate while Tom poured champagne into two glasses again.

"Thank you," she replied as he handed one to her and they clinked glasses for the second time that night. Standing behind her, Tom peered over her shoulder to see what there was for pudding, as they had merely asked for a selection of their specialities downstairs.

"Hm, we've got strawberries, chocolate mousse, and ice cream," Louise smiled, leaning onto him a bit.  
"Ice cream first, huh?," he mumbled, softly kissing her neck and she nodded in reply.

Kicking off their shoes, they climbed onto the bed with him leaning against the headboard and Louise sitting between his legs, leaning onto his chest. They shared the bowl of ice cream they had, occasionally feeding the other and generally feeling like 18 year olds on their first date again. Everything was new, everything was exciting, everything needed to be tested and tried.

A little later, the only source of light was the crackling fire from which a cozy warmth emanated into the bedroom. Louise's blouse and trousers lay on the floor, next to most of Tom's clothes, and their skins glowed golden in the light of the flames.

His fingers trailed lightly up her arms, over the mounds of her breasts, down to her stomach and she closed her eyes contently. A low sigh left her mouth, as he scattered soft kisses along her jaw, her neck, and her collarbone; and she buried her hands in his hair. Her bra soon followed her other clothes off the bed and again Tom caressed every millimeter of her skin, listening to her appreciative sighs and moans. Gently, she pulled his face up to hers after a while, kissing him passionately before she turned them over, now being on top of him.

Sitting up, his hands glided over her back, pulling her closer to him while his lips moved over the soft skin on her neck. Her breathing was already quickened and her long hair flowed down her back, while she tilted her head, offering him more of her delicate skin.

He smiled against her skin as she gently tugged his hair while biting her lip to suppress yet another sigh of pleasure. His fingertips trailed along her spine, leaving goosebumps behind before his hand rested on her hips, playing with the waistband of her lace panties. She looked down at him, her lips slightly parted, just millimetres away from his. She nibbled ever so slightly on his bottom lip and he tasted of strawberry, chocolate, and champagne; a most delicious combination. 

Gently, she pushed him back onto the mattress, feeling his eyes wander over her body, full of longing and desire. As she leant over him, her breasts touched his chest and it took him quite a bit of willpower to not simply rip their remaining clothes off in that moment. He sighed with pleasure as her lips trailed over his skin, kissing and licking it teasingly until she had reached the edge of his boxers. With a swift movement, she had gotten rid of those, allowing him to let her panties follow shortly after. Leaning over her once again, his fingers slid along her thigh up to her bottom and his lips finally found hers again.

And while the flames in the fireplace were slowly reduced to red hot embers, the room was filled with their low and hushed manifestations of love and pleasure.


	13. Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the usual disclaimer...thanks for reading =)

13\. Family

Louise grumbled as she heard the oh so familiar ringtone of her mobile waking her up the next morning. With closed eyes and Tom’s arm still around her waist, she felt for her phone on the bedside table and without looking who it was, she answered the call.  
“Yes?” Her voice was a little croaky and sleepy still but the caller seemed to take no notice of it.  
“Ms Norfolk? This is Dr. Willenden from the John Radcliffe Hospital, Oxford. Am I right to believe that one of our patients by the name of Lucas Norfolk is your father?,” the woman on the other end asked. She sounded quite young but friendly.  
Wide awake now, Louise sat upright in the bed, trying to hold the bedcover up in front of her bare chest in order to protect herself against the cold. Tom next to her simply murmured something while trying to pull her back down next to him, but she gently pushed his hand away, causing him to open his eyes.  
“Yes,...yes, that’s my dad. Why? What happened? Is he okay?” Hundreds of thoughts ran through her mind and she imagined the worst possible scenarios.  
“Your father had a heart attack this morning, Ms Norfolk. He is stable now but it would be great if you came anyway.”  
A heart attack. Louise closed her eyes for a second, trying to understand what the doctor had just told her.  
“I will leave straight away. Have my brothers been informed yet?,” she asked quietly, feeling the first tears well up in her eyes.  
“No, not yet. Would you like me to do that or would you rather do that yourself?,” Dr Willenden replied, friendly and sympathetically. Louise hesitated shortly before replying,  
“I will do it myself. Thank you Dr...?”  
“Dr Willenden. Just ask for me once you get here and I will explain everything to you in detail.”  
With a click the call was ended and she slowly lowered her phone to her lap.  
“What’s wrong, honey?,” Tom beside her murmured and sitting up, he gently kissed her shoulder.  
“Dad’s in hospital,” she whispered. “He had a heart attack.” Again she closed her eyes from where tears now fell onto her soft cheeks. Immediately Tom pulled her into an embrace, kissing her hair and stroking her back.  
“Which hospital is he at?,” he asked quietly and after her reply, he kissed her once again, before getting up. After putting on his clothes, he started packing, leaving only a few clothes for Louise out to wear that day. She was still sitting in bed, calling first George and Paul before dialling her brother Chris’s number in Cambridge. Matthew and Max were both abroad on duty and she would inform them as soon as she knew what was going on. There was no need to trouble them now. Being stationed in the Afghan desert, they had enough things on their minds already for sure.

She was silent all the way up to Oxford and Tom was worried as hell. The last time he had seen her in a similar state was after the death of her mother and he definitely did not want to go back there with her. Tenderly, he stroked her thigh before taking her hand softly in his.  
“He’ll be fine, Lou. I’m sure he will,” he mumbled and looked at her shortly before focusing on the lane in front of him again. The motorway was almost empty as it was still early on a Sunday morning. The sun slowly began to rise from the foggy, dark green fields around them, promising another bright winter day but neither of them cared very much. Louise’s thoughts were with her father and Tom’s were with the fragile looking woman in the passenger seat next to him.

Once in Oxford, he parked the car on the hospital grounds and together they entered the main building shortly after. It smelled of disinfectants and the entrance area was empty and bare, even though the receptionist smiled at them in the most friendly way. Without needing to say her name, Louise was asked to proceed into the adjacent building, which accommodated the Oxford Heart Centre and taking her hand gently in his, Tom led the way. Dr Willenden was easy to find, thanks to the receptionists directions, and he gently knocked on her office door while his hand rested on Louise’s lower back.  
“Come in!”  
He slowly opened the door and let Louise walk in first before he followed right behind. They both greeted the doctor with a handshake and he could already see all those questions in his girlfriend's eyes that she wanted to ask the physician in front of them.  
The next half hour she had every opportunity to do so. Dr Willenden answered every single question as good as she could, trying to use as little medical terms as possible so they could follow her easily. She explained to them the possible reasons for his heart attack and how they would proceed with his treatment in the following days to come.  
“He is probably still asleep, but if you wish you could go and see him now, Ms Norfolk.”  
“Yes, I...I would like to,” Louise replied, her gaze resting on the white, crumpled tissue in her hands.  
“I’ll bring you to him,” the young, but very competent doctor replied and together they followed her down the corridor to Lucas’ room.  
He was indeed still asleep and after Dr Willenden had left them, they both stood next to the hospital bed. Louise looked down at her father and placed a tender kiss on his forehead, while the worried and scared expression never left her eyes. She took his hand gently in hers, careful as not to hurt him due to the needle in the back of his hand. A regular beep could be heard in the room besides his breathing that made his chest rise and fall in a steady rhythm.  
Not leaving her side, Tom stood next to her, his hand around her waist, gently stroking her side.  
“I can’t believe I didn’t realise he was so ill,” Louise whispered and again tears welled up in her eyes. Carefully, he pulled her closer to him and let his hand run slowly along her back.  
“You couldn’t have, Lou. But he’s being taken care of now. He’s in good hands,” he replied quietly, brushing her forehead with his lips before he gently wiped away one of her tears, that rolled down her cheek.

It was evening when Dr Willenden finally asked Louise, George, Paul, Chris, Matthew’s wife Pauline, Max’s wife Julie and his daughter Alice, and Tom to give Lucas some rest and come back again in the morning if they wished. They all said their goodbyes with George, Paul, and Louise promising to come back the next day, when Lucas said,  
“Tom, could I have a quick word with you?”  
“Sure,” Tom smiled and kissed Louise on the cheek, before she exited the room with the others, leaving only her father and boyfriend behind.  
The young man took one of the chairs and sat down beside the bed, looking at his future father-in-law with a smiling but questioning expression.  
“Tom, I know that the two of you...that you have a few issues at the moment and I don’t want to talk about that, don’t worry, I have no right to interfere. But...please take care of my little girl. I’m worried for her. She always pretends that she’s okay, when deep down she isn’t. Please look out for her, will you?” His voice was quiet and he sounded tired and worried. Carefully, Tom took his hand in his own.  
“She is my one and only, you know that, Lucas. And I promise you, from the bottom of my heart, that, whatever might happen in the future, I’ll be there for her. And while I do that, you make sure that you get better, okay? Take life a bit slower and if there’s anything, anything at all that you need, tell me, tell us. Family is priority, you know that. And you are my family.”  
A smile hushed over Lucas’s face and he looked at the younger one thankfully.  
“Thank you, Tom.”  
“Not at all, Lucas...not at all. And now sleep well. We’ll be back tomorrow morning, alright?” Tom stood up and carefully patted his hand again.   
“You too. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Louise and her brothers spent the next week at their father's bedside and even Henry came up from London to visit him, while Tom had to go back eventually.  
The shooting of 'The Hollow Crown' continued and he would spend the next few weeks until Christmas either on set in Surrey or London, except for a short trip to New York for the 'War Horse' World Premiere.  
Every day before shooting and afterwards, he would give her a ring inquiring about Lucas and whether there was anything he could do to be of help, which she assured him there was not.

It was the day before Christmas when they finally met again. Louise had been in London for a couple of days already, while George and Paul stayed with their father in Oxford. He had been released from hospital in late November and since then either of his children had tried to stay with him, helping him settling back into a normal and more healthy life.  
Christmas was going to be quite a busy affair at the Norfolk Manor. George’s fiancée Catherine and Paul’s girlfriend Amber would join them for celebrations on Boxing Day just like Tom.  
Matthew and Max were still on duty in Afghanistan and would be dearly missed but at least Max’s wife Julie and their daughter Alice would come over for a day as would Christopher, the oldest.  
Louise looked forward to Christmas with her family even though two of her brothers would not be there after all. It was always a special time of year far away from the limelight, the fans, the stage. At Christmas, she was her daddy’s little girl and her brothers’ little sister again and nothing would ever change that for sure.

She was planning to go up to Oxford around noon that day so she could help with all the preparations necessary to ensure a stress-free Christmas dinner for the whole family and the respective partners. And as her father was supposed to merely relax and do nothing, it was up to his younger children to take the necessary steps.

Just as she was carefully placing the presents she bought for everybody in a huge cardboard box, the front door was opened and Tom stepped into the penthouse.  
“Lou? Are you there?,” he shouted.  
“Yes, I’m upstairs,” she replied and placed the last parcel on top of the others.  
“Would you mind staying there for...let’s say 5 minutes, please?” She smiled. He probably just went to Westfields to get his Christmas shopping done and was now trying to sneak it into the flat without her seeing it. Always on the last minute.  
“Sure,” she laughed and went into the bathroom to apply a little bit of makeup. Even though she was only going to visit her family, she did not want to look like she just got out of bed. After adding a tiny bit of rouge as a finishing touch, she closed the zipper of her toiletry bag and went into the adjacent bedroom again to place it in her suitcase, which was already packed and ready to go by the door.

“Hey,” Tom smiled as he entered the bedroom and, covering the few metres from her to the door with quick strides, he placed a gentle kiss on her cheek.  
“You look lovely,” he whispered lovingly and placed his hand on her cheek, whereupon she slightly leaned into his touch, looking up at him with her attentive, hazel eyes.  
“Thank you,” she whispered a little shyly and kissed him on the palm, before standing on her tiptoes, kissing him chastely on the lips. His hands slipped around her waist, pulling her slender frame closer to his, while intensifying the kiss slowly.  
“What time are you leaving today?,” he breathed against her lips after a little while.  
“Around noon,” she replied quietly and kissed him again, shortly.  
“So,...we still have time for lunch before we both go?!” He looked at her, smiling, taking in every detail of her face.  
“I guess we do,” she nodded while playing with a few strands of his longer locks in the back of his neck.  
“What about Tortellini al Pesto?,” he asked, enjoying her caresses.  
“Sounds lovely,” she grinned and taking his hand into hers, they went downstairs into their bright, open-plan kitchen.


	14. Christmas pt 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the usual disclaimer...'Maybe' is almost finished, only one more chapter after this...let me know what you think =)

# 14\. Christmas pt 1

****

  Louise was one of the first to be up on Boxing Day. They had all stayed up rather late, except for her father and little Alice of course, so it was no surprise that everyone remained in bed a little longer.

  Julie, Max’s wife, and her two year old toddler were already in the living room and the latter one played happily with her new doll, that Louise had given her, while her mother enjoyed the peace and quiet in the house, reading on the sofa.

  “Hey, morning you two,” Louise smiled and stood in the living room door, observing the two.

  “Morning Louise,” Julie smiled in return. “I hope we didn’t wake you up!”

The singer took a few steps into the room and sat down on the floor next to her niece.

  “Oh no, not at all. I’m just an early bird, don’t worry,” she replied reassuringly and placed a kiss on Alice’s hair, who had sat down onto her lap with her doll. “Do you like your dolly, hm?,” she mumbled and put her arms around the little one, who smiled a broad smile in reply.

  “When is Tom coming today?” Julie looked at her sister-in-law.

  “I’ll pick him up around 10 so I can say a quick hello to his mum and sisters as well,” Louise said, while not taking her eyes of Alice and her doll, which the younger had now placed onto her own lap, just like she had done with her niece.

  “Okay, I’ll make sure everybody is at least halfway presentable by the time you two get back,” the woman on the sofa laughed, causing Louise to chuckle as well.

  “Good luck with that,” she grinned and, with Alice in her arms, she got up. “What about a nice cuppa and a hot milk for a start, eh?” She looked from daughter to mother, who nodded, smiling, and the three of them made their way into the huge, country house kitchen.

****

  “I’ll go,” Tom shouted and ran down the stairs, excitedly before quickly opening the front door of the house.

  “Merry Christmas!,” Louise grinned and immediately fell him round the neck.

  “And Merry Christmas to you,” he mumbled, happy that he had her back in his arms.

They remained like this for a little while until they were disturbed by a slight cough behind them, causing them to interrupt their embrace. A little embarrassed, they both turned towards the house and were greeted by Tom’s smiling mother Diana.

  “Come on, Thomas, where are your good manners? Let go of her so your poor mother can say hello as well,” she smiled chidingly, wherefore his arms slowly dropped from Louise’s waist, giving her free to greet his mother.

  “Hello Diana!,” Louise smiled and stepped towards her. “Merry Christmas!” She hugged her future mother-in-law before she led them both inside where Louise also greeted Emma and Sarah, Tom’s younger and older sister respectively.

  As expected, Diana did not let the couple go right after exchanging presents with Louise but made them stay for at least one cuppa to learn all the news about Lucas’s health.

****

  “How was your day, yesterday?,” Louise asked, while steering the car to her family home near Dorchester-on-Thames, where she had spent most of her childhood.

It consisted of a main house and an attached wing with an overall of 8 bedrooms, all situated within 8 acres of land right next to the River Thames. Growing up there was peaceful and fun and exciting. Louise and her brothers had spent many holidays roaming the fields surrounding the house, looking for treasures or playing hide and seek. She was never bothered by the fact that she was the only girl in the family besides her mum. Attending an all-girls boarding school after Dragon School made up for all the girly stuff her brothers had banished from their made-up games in their early childhood.

  “It was good. I went to see dad after breakfast and he sends his best wishes. He gave me a present for you as well and I passed on yours. He loved the book. Said he was looking for it for ages already,” Tom replied, smiling. “It’s a bit scary how you seem to know my family’s wishes better than I do sometimes,” he added with a smirk.

  “Well, maybe I pay better attention sometimes,” Louise chuckled and looked at him, while they waited at a red traffic light.

  “My distraction could only be caused by you, so I declare myself innocent.” Tom laughed quietly and kissed her quickly before the light switched to green and Louise set the car in motion again. With a grin she only shook her head, keeping her reply to herself.

  They reached the property shortly after and, helping him with his luggage, they both made their way to the door where Julie and Alice were already waiting for them. It had started snowing again and the little one was dressed in an adorable snowsuit, ready to tackle the white flakes falling from the grey sky.

Tom greeted both with a hug and Alice placed a huge kiss on his cheek.

  “Wow, thank you Alice. I will never wash that cheek again, promise!,” he grinned and picked her up, which made her laugh.

  “Hey, I’m getting jealous,” Louise laughed and dropped his bags in the huge hallway.

  “No need for that, Lou, you know that,” Tom smiled lovingly and kissed her quickly before he looked at Alice again. “Say, did you just want to go and build a snowman?” Alice nodded and buried her head in the crook of his neck, causing her mother to smile at her tenderly.

  “Do you mind?”, Tom asked Julie for her approval before he set her daughter down and started building a snowman with her on the lawn in front of the house.

  “I’m wondering who of them is more excited about it,” Louise mumbled with a smirk while she watched both of them together with Julie.

  “I’m not sure either,” the younger replied laughing, before she added with a wink, “I’ll just go and get a scarf for Mr Snowman.”

  Louise pulled her coat around her a little tighter and closed the door slightly as to keep the wind and snow out of the house. She could hear her brothers’ guitar and cajon from the living room and smiled. Things never seemed to change at home.

  Music was always part of their daily family live ever since she could think. Her mother used to play the piano and it was her, who taught Louise how to play it as well. She would never forget those rainy summer days, when she was home from Wycombe Abbey, and her mother would sit down on the white piano stool with her, teaching her another one of her favourite songs.

  A snowball that landed on her foot interrupted her thoughts of her late mother and she looked up. Alice stood a few feet away from her, a huge grin plastered on her face, looking back and forth between her and an equally wide grinning Tom.

  “Excuse me?,” she laughed and went to pick up her niece, who was squealing with delight. “I can’t believe you’re using Alice for your little games, Mr Hiddleston.” She covered the few metres between them and now stood right in front of him, looking up into his bright blue eyes, twinkling with mischief.

  “I have no idea, what you’re talking about,” he smiled innocently, stroking Alice’s cheek, which was flushed from the cold and excitement.

  “What a big liar he is, eh Alice?,” Louise smirked and cuddled her niece, who first placed a kiss on her cheek before she put her arms out to Tom.

  “At least Alice still loves me,” Tom grinned and took her from Louise. “What shall we call our snowman, hm? He needs a name if he’s to stay out here in the cold all the time.”

Alice looked at the snowman, deep in thought, before she replied excitedly,

  “Sam. His name is Sam.”

  “That’s an excellent name. Hi Sam!,” he pretended to greet the snowman. “Hope you like it out here. But don’t worry, my best friend Alice and me, we will come and visit you every now and then.” Alice nodded eagerly in support of his utterance before her mother caught her attention. Julie had brought a scarf out and gave it to her daughter, who placed it around Sam’s neck with Tom’s help.

  “He’d be a great father,” Julie whispered into Louise’s ear before walking back inside with a huge grin on her face while Louise’s cheeks turned slightly pink.

********  
  


  They went inside a little later and after greeting everybody, the women made their way into the kitchen to prepare the dinner and gossip a little while the men spent some time in one of the drawing rooms. Outside everything was entirely covered in snow and the open-plan kitchen and dining area with the huge conservatory offered a great view of the riverbank.

  Louise and the other women were finished with their preparations by early afternoon and she went upstairs. George and Paul had gone out to meet some old friends and her father had retreated into his bedroom to get some rest before the excitement of the evening.

  As she could not find Tom in their shared bedroom, she walked around the house in search of him, finding him in the library situated on the gallery above the main living room.

  “Hey,” she mumbled and smiled at him. He was sitting on one of the wide, comfortable sofas next to the ceiling-high windows, an open book in his lap.

  “What are you reading?,” she added quietly and sat down next to him, snuggling into his chest. Putting his arm protectively around her, he replied just as quietly,

  “I found an old copy of ‘The Chronicles of Narnia’”

  Louise smiled. It reminded her of those long, cold autumn and winter days back in her childhood when she had been up here with Paul, Matthew, and George and they had read these stories to each other. She had loved C.S.Lewis’s books ever since she had read them first but it had been a while since she last picked them up.

  “Would you read to me a little?,” she whispered and looked up into Tom’s face.

  “As you wish, darling,” he smiled lovingly and placed a tender kiss on her forehead before he looked back at the book and started reading.

Absentmindedly, Louise let her fingers run across his chest, drawing invisible patterns onto it. He was wearing her favourite red plaid shirt and she loved the feeling of the soft fabric underneath her fingertips. The fire in the living room below heated up the entire room but still she snuggled up closer to him, intertwining her legs with his and placing her head on his chest just below his chin. She could feel his breath tickling her ear and closed her eyes with a content smile. His strong, regular heartbeat underneath her hand calmed her, made her feel at home, and listening to his soothing, soft voice, she fell asleep a little later.

 


	15. Christmas pt 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here it is, the fifteenth and final chapter of Maybe…thanks to those who took the time to read it. This is my first English multi chapter story and even though it is far from perfect (maybe even far from good, don’t know), I got quite attached to Lou&Tom. There will be a sequel up here in the hopefully not too distant future, called ‘Where I sleep…’.
> 
> And I still refuse to give up hope that one day I might find my inbox being used because one of you lovely readers send me feedback…

15\. Christmas pt 2

She was woken up a little later by a rather loud and wet kiss on her cheek and, opening her eyes, she looked directly into Alice’s brown ones.  
“Oh hey Alice. Thanks for waking me up so nicely,” she smiled and sat up a little. Tom next to her was gone and a warm, soft blanket was draped over her body.  
“Tom told me to wake you up. He wants to go outside with you,” the little one said, still smiling broadly.  
“Oh does he?,” Louise replied and sat up properly, picked up Alice, who nodded in reply, and placed her on her lap. The young girl immediately snuggled up to her aunt and gave her another peck on the cheek. Louise loved the little tot. Unfortunately, they did not see each other as often as she would like to but every time they did, it was special and she reminded her of her brother far away in whatever country he was sent to this time.  
They remained like this for a while until Tom’s curls appeared at the top of the stairs.  
“Hey sleepyhead,” he smiled at Louise and winked at Alice, causing her to giggle slightly.   
“Ready for a little walk before dinner?” He walked over to the sofa and sat down next to Louise’s feet.  
“Don’t they need my help downstairs?,” she asked and let Alice crawl over to Tom. She adored him and always asked for Tom to read her goodnight story when they were all together as he always enacted whatever he read to her and she loved every minute of it.  
“No they don’t. Julie told me to keep you away from the kitchen as you already did all the cooking yesterday so I thought the two of us might go for a little stroll along the riverbank,” he replied, tickling Alice lightly before placing a kiss on her hair.  
“Well...I better put some warm clothes on then,” Louise smiled and got up in order to get ready for their winter walk.

Outside, he put his arm around her shoulder while hers slipped around his waist. Equipped with gloves, scarves, and warm, woolly hats, they set off from the house for a walk around the grounds.  
Thick, heavy snowflakes kept on falling from the sky and everything around them was already buried under a white blanket. Their shoes left footprints in the snow but, with heavy snowfall like this, these would be covered up in no time for sure.  
“Alice truly adores you,” Louise mumbled, smiling while they slowly walked along the river bank of the Thames.  
“She is such a cute little girl,” Tom replied and looked at her. “And it’s incredible how much she looks like her dad, isn’t it?” Louise nodded and for a moment she was reminded of her brothers being at one of the most dangerous places on earth.  
“I hope Max and Matthew will be fine,” she sighed a little and snuggled up closer to Tom.  
“I’m sure they will.” He stopped in his tracks and gently pulled her closer to him. “You’ll see, they will be back in England in no time.” She relaxed a bit in his arms and looked at him thankfully.  
“I know. And until then I will continue to pester you,” she grinned widely and kissed him quickly before he could reply. Instead, he bit her lip softly and teasingly while wrapping his arms around her.  
“Do you think we’ll ever have a little one ourselves?,” Louise whispered against his lips a little later, causing Tom to look at her.  
“I really hope so. I’d love to have a little mini-me or mini-you running around the house, causing mischief,” he grinned, before adding, “But seriously, Lou. Having children with you would make my life complete.” She blushed a little and dropped her gaze before looking back up at him.  
“You’d be an amazing father, Tom. Seeing you with Alice earlier made me realise that again.” Now it was his turn to blush and he played with a strand of her hair merely out of embarrassment.  
“Maybe we could, once we’ve worked on us a bit more I mean, think about...well, you know...starting a family ourselves,” he mumbled, shyly.  
“Yes, we could,” Louise whispered, smiling encouragingly before kissing him again.  
She looked forward to the next couple of days with him and her family. It was an opportunity for them to just be themselves without outsiders judging them or having expectations towards them. Her family knew Tom well; it was his second family by now and they also knew when to give them some room, like now. Being in a familiar environment would definitely help them to strengthen their relationship further, and the fact that they even talked about children and the future now was a very good sign that things were getting better again.

After a little while they continued their winter walk through the heavy snowfall. A bit further into the field stood a huge, old oak tree and from one of its heavy branches hung an old tire, which they had used as a swing when Louise and her siblings were younger. She had not been in that part of the property for quite some time and, seeing it from afar, she let go of Tom and walked towards it.  
“God, I haven’t been here in ages,” she mumbled smiling, and she let her hand glide over the weather-worn rubber.  
“It was about time then,” Tom behind her smiled as well. “Shall we have a go?” His eyes twinkled like those of a five year old and, infected by his enthusiasm, Louise merely nodded with a huge grin on her face. The middle of the tire was covered with a tarpaulin and there was plenty of room for both of them to sit on. Tom helped Louise up first and, after giving the tire a big push, he jumped on next to her.  
Sitting cross-legged and opposite each other, Louise looked at him with a huge smile. He loved to see her so happy and could not resist smiling back. Taking of his gloves, he gently put his hand on her cheek and, moving closer a little, he kissed her softly.  
The wide branches of the tree protected them from the falling snow and, sheltered as they were, the kiss went on for what seemed like an eternity. When he finally moved away from her a bit, their cheeks were a little flushed and their breathing quickened.  
“I love you,” Tom whispered with a sincere smile on his lips and he gently put his fingertips on her mouth as Louise wanted to reply. “I love you, Louise, from the bottom of my heart and I know that I have asked this question before but I gladly do it again.” Carefully, he pulled a little velvet box out of his coat pocket and opened it, showing its contents to the woman in front of him. Inside was Louise’s engagement ring, which she had taken off a couple of months ago. “Louise Anne Norfolk, would you do me the honour of becoming my wife?,” he whispered and she could hear that he was nervous. Tears filled her eyes as she looked up into his.  
“Of course I would,” she whispered, overwhelmed, before kissing him lovingly. Gently he took off her glove and pushed the ring onto her finger, beaming. “I love you, Thomas William Hiddleston,” the young woman whispered before her lips found his again, melting into a long, tender kiss.

 

The End

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to visit my tumblr page http://w-is-for-writing.tumblr.com to find out more about my stories, my characters, and everything else you might be interested in :)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Whatever it takes...](https://archiveofourown.org/works/891544) by [littlemisscurious](https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlemisscurious/pseuds/littlemisscurious)
  * [Kenwood House](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1125439) by [littlemisscurious](https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlemisscurious/pseuds/littlemisscurious)




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